


Michael Guerin Is Not A Dirty Little Secret

by castielcampbell



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Maria is a bro, Maria is the thing Michael needs, Other, Protective!Maria DeLuca
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:07:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22965157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielcampbell/pseuds/castielcampbell
Summary: In the months that Michael and Maria have been dating Maria has become very protective of Michael. When Alex shows up to the Wild Pony out of the blue she inadvertently lashes out at him. In doing so she sets him on a path of discovery that he needed more than he realized.
Relationships: Maria DeLuca & Michael Guerin, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 14
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a one shot. I started it in October and on my vacation it became my goal to finish ONE of my WIP's before it was over. I kinda hit the dead line... I got back to work tonight. So I didn't COMPLETELY miss it. LOL.
> 
> This is not a perfect story. The ending, like in real life, is not perfect. I am a Malex fan, but I am also a big fan of Michael being treated better than what he was treated.

Michael Guerin Is NOT A Dirty Little Secret

{for the sake of this story Max is still alive, Rosa is still dead, and Noah is still dead. I just couldn’t fit everything into this.)

In which Maria is best girlfriend an emotionally battered bisexual alien could ask for.

In the months that Maria had been dating Michael there were things she had noticed. Little, small things that added to greater bigger things that made her heart hurt. There were things that Michael told her that he had never told anyone; not his siblings and not Alex. And he didn’t tell her things to emotionally blackmail her into staying with him. He told her things because he felt comfortable with her. They had an understanding; Maria was his secret keeper. 

Michael’s mind was like a minefield of potential triggers that literally no one knew about. There were certain smells and sounds that made him stop dead in his tracks or flinch reflexably. But he didn’t tell anyone, not even his siblings.  **_“I don’t want to bother them. They have enough on their plates without my idiosyncratic quirks.”_ ** He had told her once. And it had taken every fiber of her being to keep from shaking him right then and there. 

There were other things he had told her. Like his secret. **_“I’m an alien”_ ** He had said and she laughed. But his face had remained straight.  **_“The shipwreck in 47’.”_ ** He said and then pointed to himself. 

And her gift, her intuition told her that he wasn’t lying. So he told her everything and the look of relief on his face was more than enough to keep her from running out of the building screaming. But when he told her about The Caulfield prison she had made him stop so that she could hold him while he talked. His aura and his energy got all twisted and mangled when he talked about the other aliens and his mother. And he had cried, really really cried afterwards. There hadn’t been a lot of time to cope and process it all. 

Even now it was hard for her to wrap mind around finding out that there were more people like you, people that could have been potentially your aunt and uncles and cousins… and then they were gone as quick as you find them. The idea of it sent a shiver down her spine. 

It was one thing to know she was going to lose her mother. She had known she was going to lose her eventually, and losing her by degrees was painful… but to have lost what family you had/could have had in one fail swoop. Inconceivable. But it had happened to Guerin, and she could see the way it haunted him in his eyes. Max and Isobel, they felt sorrow, maybe even anger, but they had grown up in a loving family, knowing that they had each other and parents that wanted them. Guerin hadn’t had that. And then he had. And then it was taken away from him.

With some few reservations she had introduced Michael to her mother the next day. She knew one mother couldn’t replace the other, and quite frankly there was a very large part of her that was terrified that her mother would sense his  _ otherworldly-ness  _ and freak out. But she hadn’t freak out… she had sensed that he was an alien. She had been wary of him until he had let her read his palm and had gasped. Mimi wouldn’t tell either of them what she had seen but she had traced the lines of his hands two or three times before turning his hand over, kissing his knuckles and giving his hand a sturdy reassuring squeeze and very mysteriously saying “he will protect you as much as you will protect him.” That hadn’t been ominous at all.

That next morning at breakfast her mother had come up behind her and taken off her necklace. “It’s better to not have this on around him, love. When push comes to shove he’ll need all his strength.” She whispered as she replaced the necklace with another one with a different charm. It was small but she could make out a symbol, almost identical to the one Max had tattooed on his shoulder. “People could use that charm against him, and we can’t have that.” 

She hadn’t known how to reply so she hadn’t. She’d merely smiled and thanked her and watched as her mother put her necklace around her own neck once more.

Since then Michael had been over to the house more often to visit Mimi. Luckily most of the time she was lucid, sometimes, however, when she wasn’t she would confide in Michael things she wouldn’t tell even her. Michael wouldn’t tell her what she said but he did say. “Your mother has a serious distrust of Jesse Manes.” And then he smiled. “I knew I liked her.”

She shook her head sharply. Michael wasn’t perfect, but he was a good man, a wonderful boyfriend, a fantastic lover, and he still very much was that lost boy who yearned to be accepted. Michael Guerin was dichotomy of arrogance and self doubt the likes of which made her head spin. One minute he was full of bravado, and the next he looked like a kicked puppy who needed to be hugged.

The door banged shut, startling her from her revelry.

It was Alex.

She loved Alex. He was the brother she never wanted. 

Which kind of explained why the urge to strangle him where he stood was so strong. 

So many of Michaels issues seemed to stem from his ‘relationship’ with Alex. She didn’t even want to categorize it as a relationship honestly. Relationships are supposed to be 100/100, each giving their all, they aren’t 50/50, and they definitely shouldn’t be 90/10. She was smart enough to also know that there are two sides to every story; but she wasn’t sure Alex’s side would really help his case at this point.

Alex approached her with a smile. They were still friends. She’d been dating Michael for months and Alex was fine with it. Things happened, circumstances changed. They were all adults. Alex just happened to be an adult that now went out of his way to avoid being in the same room as Michael.

As he sat down, he said. “Hey.”

And then she slapped him. Oh God, she slapped him.

He went reeling, but managed to stay on the stool. “What the hell!”

“Oh my god… I didn’t mean to…”

“What was that for?” He asked, rubbing his cheek. 

But her chest was heaving and her heart was racing. It was now or never.

“Michael.”

“What?”

“That was for Michael.”

He shook his head sharply. “I think I’m missing the--”

“Sleeping with Michael,  **_being_ ** with Michael isn’t some dirty little secret.” She hissed, angrily.

“What are you talking about?”

“Really? You really don’t get it?”

“Obviously not.”

“Michael confides in me. He tells me things--”

“About  **_me?!”_ **

“About his time with you! Do you have  **_any_ ** idea what kind of damage you’ve done to him!?”

“Damage? What the hell are you--”

“We’ve been dating… dating for months…”

“I’m aware--”

“Let me  **_finish._ ** ” She growled. “The first time we slept together at the airstream do you know the first thing out of his mouth when we woke up together?”

Alex looked at blankly.

“Not ‘good mornin, darlin’, not ‘want seconds’, not ‘did I wear you out?’. Do you know what he said? He said  **_‘you stayed’._ ** ”

Alex went pale at that.

“And he said it like he was surprised. SURPRISED that I had deemed him worthy of waking up next to.”

Alex opened his mouth but shut it quickly before sputtering. “It wasn’t like that.”

“And it wasn’t just the first time, it was the second and the third and… I couldn’t figure out why he didn’t put his arms around me and hold me close… then I realized; he didn’t want to make me feel trapped… and he didn’t want to know when I left. Because that’s what he expected. Because that’s what he thinks he deserves. I wonder why he thinks that?” She cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes.

“It’s not like that… I didn’t…”

“How many times did you leave him in the middle of the night?”

“Maria…”

“He sleeps next to the window facing the wall so that when he wakes up the first thing he sees isn’t an empty bed.”

“I didn’t  _ leave  _ that many--”

“The hell you didn’t, Alex! How many times did you leave… or would it be easier for you to answer how many times did you stay?”

Alex had a look of righteous indignation on his face. “It wasn’t like that!”

“Then what was it like! Because that’s just the tip of the ICEBERG! I’ve been with him for months and do you know what still startles him? I’ll tell you what. That I want to be seen in public with him. Not just under the dark of night. Not just at his airstream. Not just in darkened corners or where no one knows us.”

“I can explain--”

“How many times were you out in public with him! Did you ever hold his hand?”

“He’s not a hand holding type of guy!” Alex growled.

“But he IS! He likes to hold hands and he likes to put his hand on my hip. He likes to walk close enough to brush up against each other. He likes it when I hug him and lean against him for no reason. He's  **_tactile,_ ** Alex, and if you had gotten to know him as more than a glorified  **_booty call_ ** you might have learned that!”

Alex grit his teeth and looked away from her. 

“What do you even know about him? Besides his shitty childhood and the shipwreck and his siblings?”

Alex did a double take. “He  **_told_ ** you?”

“Of  **_course_ ** he told me! We’re in a relationship! This is how it works! He didn’t want to HIDE from me! And I didn’t want him to feel like he needed to HIDE from me!” She was shouting now, gesturing wildly. Apparently she had more feelings about this than she realized.

“Michael is a good man. He’s not perfect, BUT WHO IS!?!? And he doesn’t deserve to be someones  **_dirty little secret!”_ **

“He wasn’t my dirty little secret!”

“How many people knew about the two of you?”

Alex paused to think about it and jerked back.

“I didn’t know until I guessed. Max is a cop, he probably put two and two together pretty fast. Isobel is his basically his triplet so he probably told her. But Liz? Kyle? Did either of them know?”

Alex sputtered and tripped over his own words.

“Do you know what happened the other day? I went shopping and Michael saw me putting my bags in my truck and he ran across the street to help me and I kissed him and you know what he said?  **_‘I’m sorry, I’ll just leave… sorry.’_ ** ” She shook her head slowly. “Like he was inconveniencing me by being  **_seen_ ** with me out in public.”

“I was seen with him out in public!” He rebuked.

“BY WHO? Who saw you with him in broad daylight?”

“At the high school reunion…”

“Yes, you accused him of being a meth head, if I remember correctly.”

“How…”

“It’s a small town, Alex, rumor spreads quickly.”

“We were seen HERE together.”

“Yes, you broke up with him. Told him that you couldn’t be seen with a criminal. Nice touch there, calling him a criminal did great things for his self-esteem.” She snarked back. “And if you bring up the drive-in; doesn’t really count when leave before the movie even starts.”

Alex licked his lips and shook his head. “I--I wasn’t ashamed of him.”

“Really?”

“It’s complicated!”

“Then un-complicate it for me, Alex! Because between his non-existent childhood which taught him nothing about being loved or cared for or how he should be treated, and how you treated him…” she shook her head sadly. “I’ve got an uphill battle trying to help Michael learn what being with someone should feel like.”

“I was gone for  **_ten_ ** years!”

“Ten years which were filled with drunken one night stands. You were it for him. You were the one.”

“Don’t put this on me! I didn’t make him not get into relationships. He’s a big boy! He can make his own choices!”

“And he did! He tried relationships, and every single one of them… not one of them wanted to be seen with him. He was always the dirty little secret. The tryst that no one could know about. It does a number on someone's psyche to be told over and over again that you’re not worthy of a relationship that sees the light of day. Kind of like, if you tell a kid their dumb enough times they start to believe it.”

Alex grit his teeth. “I never intended for him to--”

“You had sex with him and then left in the middle of the night without so much as a note.” She snapped back. “I got a call about my mother in the middle of the night, woke him up to tell him and he offered to give me a ride. A RIDE! Anytime I needed to go I told him. I would wake him up, tell him, and give him at LEAST a kiss goodbye. AT LEAST a kiss goodbye. He deserves to at least KNOW why you’re leaving, Alex.”

“Maria, it wasn’t--” he trailed off.

“Wasn’t what?”

“I was never ashamed of dating Guerin.” He insisted.

“Then why didn’t you ever take him on a date?” She asked simply. “We had dinner at The Crashdown and he kept asking me if it was really okay to be seen with him out in public. Because he apparently thinks he’ll sully my reputation. I told him I run the local dive bar. I don’t have much of a reputation to sully.”

“You wouldn’t UNDERSTAND!”

“Try me! Is it because of ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’? You just got so used to doing everything in secret that it’s just a hard habit to break? Is it because your still in the closet on base? Why are you LIKE THIS!?”

His chest was heaving and his eyes were wild.

“You know what? Maybe you don’t know why you’re like this. Maybe you’re own screwed up childhood has messed up your head so much that you just self sabotage everything good that happens to you. I don’t  **_know._ ** What I do know is that Michael is due to arrive any minute for lunch and I’d very much like him not to have to face you. He’s come a long way since we started dating and I would  **_hate_ ** to see him backslide. He’s in a good place, Alex. I’d like to keep him there for a bit longer before testing his emotional stability.”

Alex swallowed hard against his rising emotions. Maybe he hadn’t been the best partner. Maybe he was a little screwed in the head. Maybe it was best for now if he and Michael didn’t meet face-to-fact, quite yet.

“Maybe…” Maria said softly. “Maybe you shouldn’t come ‘round here for a while… at least until you got your head on straight.”

He turned to her, his heart in his throat.

“Don’t do that to me. I love you, Alex. I am always going to love you. But right now,” she shook her head. “I can’t… I can’t.”

Alex slowly closed his eyes. “Got it. Got it. I’ll… I’ll see you around… eventually.” His voice cracked but he didn’t stick around to see her reaction.

Maria didn’t watch him leave but she heard the door shut right as the back door opened and in came Michael a wide grin on his face that faltered when he saw tears in her eyes. 

“Hey, what’s going on? Did something happen to Mimi?” He asked as he rushed around the counter to pull her into his arms. 

She went willingly, and held onto him as tight as she could. “I’m better… now. It had nothing to do with Mimi… I just… Do you want to go to the lil bistro down the street for lunch, or The Crashdown.” She pulled back a little to watch his face, and as always he looked conflicted.

“Are you sure about this whole… being seen with the town drunk in public thing? We could always just eat here.”

She put her hands under his shirt and playfully massaged his lower back, he liked that. Something about touch, about being comforted, about someone wanting to touch him made him melt, caused him to relax, lean into it, and let down his guard.

“I’ve told you, being with you just increases my bad reputation in the best possible way.” She cooed into his neck and felt him relax by degrees. Eventually his tense poster melted and he let himself be held against her. “The Crashdown?” He answered with uncertainty. “He’s got a lunch special and it’s my favorite.”

She raised an eyebrow at that. He’d never mentioned a favorite food before.

“Chili cheese fries. It’s all the best food groups together. Chili, cheese, and fries!”

She laughed at that, giving him a squeeze before pulling away, all while making a mental note of his favorite food.

“Come then, lets go get a good seat before the lunch rush hits!” She said as she pulled him into the back. “HERNANDO! WATCH THE BAR FOR US!!” She called out over her shoulder.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize that the Beagle is named buffy, but i got attached to June Bug. Sue me for all the money I don't have.

{this is long. Way longer than I anticipated it. It was supposed to be a one shot. LOL}   
  
  


\------ four weeks later----

Alex was sitting on the front porch of his cabin sipping his beer, contemplating the fireflies and basically trying not to over analyze himself when his cellphone rang. Sometimes he hated his cellphone. Sometimes he hated people. But most of the time he just hated himself. But lately he hated phone calls and concerned text messages. He looked at the screen and grimaced. It was phone call #1634 from his good old buddy Kyle. He accepted the call and put it on speaker.

“Yeah?”

_ “Oh God, HE LIVES!”  _ Kyle exclaimed.

“Very funny, Kyle.”

“ _ No, seriously, I was about to call Max to do a wellness check.” _

‘Max isn’t exactly someone who would care right about now.’ He thought to himself with a sigh. “What do you want Kyle, I’m busy… wallowing.”

“ _ Well, I haven’t seen you in a couple of weeks at the Wild Pony--” _

“I’m currently  **_persona non grata_ ** at the Wild Pony.” He muttered as he took another sip.

Kyle paused. “ _ What? Seriously?” _

“Yeah, it’s… it’s better this way. I’m supposed to be working on my issues.”

“ _ What ‘issues’ are you supposed to be working on?” _

Alex grimaced as he took another sip of beer. “The one where I self sabotage all of my relationships because of my deep seeded need to push everyone away from me subconsciously. Also the one where I inadvertently use Michael Guerin heart as both a punching bag  _ and  _ a yoyo.”

Kyle paused again.  _ “I’m way too sober for this. I’m coming over with a couple of six packs. Give me twenty minutes.”  _ He said then hung up abruptly.

“Wait… Kyle… don’t…” He looked at his phone and sighed heavily, which was all the prompting his new roommate needed to run up beside him, wiggle her nose under his arm, put her snout right next to his ear and snuffle, sigh, and lick his neck.

“Yeah yeah, I remember. ‘ _ Control is an illusion that the powerless seek to bring order to their chaotic lives.’”  _ He quoted as she licked his ear. “Welp, June Bug,” he opened his arms so his beagle could snuggle up against him properly. “Looks like we’re going to have company.” He looked over his shoulder and into the cabin. “The house looks okay, you look okay.” He sniffed his shirt and armpit. “Uh…” he shuddered. “Me: not so much.” He stood up with a groan, grabbed his crutch because he hadn’t bothered with his prosthetic in days, and walked into the cabin. 

He turned to June Bug as she made herself comfortable on the couch. “I’m going to shower, then make something to eat. If anyone tries to enter while I’m showering…” he smirked. “Lick their face off.”

June Bug growled and yipped before turning around three times and laying so that her head was facing the door. Ever Alex’s protector. 

“Crazy dog.” He muttered as he walked down the hall.

\------

Kyle had just put two six packs and a bag full of comfort food in his back seat when he looked up and noticed Max getting out of his car. “Hey, Evans!” He called out.

“Valenti, what’s going on?”

“Oh, I’m just on my way out to talk to Alex.” He jerked his head towards the road. “Come, join me. We can bond over booze.”

Max gave a nervous kind of chuckle. “I don’t think Alex would be up for my company.”

Kyle shook his head. “Because of Michael.” He let out a small snort. “I think that puts you in the unique position of being the person he needs to see more than Guerin.”

Max narrowed his eyes. “Are you drunk already? Michael is a mixed bag of jagged pieces right now due in no small part to Alex. Maria, Liz and Isobel are with him  **_right now_ ** trying to put his pieces back together and help him find coping mechanisms that are more healthy that getting blind drunk and sleeping with whoever is agreeable.”

Kyle nodded. “Like I said. You have a unique position to be a person that he needs to hear. Think of yourself as an advocate.” He said with a shrug.

Max raised an eyebrow. “Not sure how browbeating a man while he’s down is going to make this any better.”

Kyle shrugged. “It’s gotta be better than wallowing in self pity while basically hiding away from the actual problem.”

Max couldn’t help but agree with that; at least in theory. He let out a heavy sigh of defeat. 

“You got plans with Liz tonight?”

“No, I wasn’t kidding about Liz and them helping Michael. He had a bit of a set back and they are helping him navigate it.”

Kyle stood up a little straighter at that. “Does he, like, need you?”

Max shook his head. “No, they understand it better than I could.” He sighed heavily. “Believe me, I’d be there for him, but--”

“Can I ask?”

“One of the couples that had custody of him. They… they were supposed to be put away for a very very long time… but laws change, and so do sentencing guidelines and…”

“Oh crap.”

“Yip. And for some reason they thought it would be brilliant to show up at the junkyard to… I don’t know, further  _ traumatize  _ him. Because, boy did it ever work.” He let out a long sigh.

“Is he…”

“Well, let's just put it this way. Normally his reaction to these kinds of traumatic things are to disassociate, disappear for a week or more, and while he’s gone he drinks his body weight in acetone and hard liquor; in that exact order. But he didn’t. He reached out. For probably the first time that I can remember; he reached out and asked for help. Which involved an emergency 911 call to Maria, who was having lunch with Liz, who contacted me when she heard Michael’s voice sound very-un-Michael like, and then I pulled a couple strings and got an emergency restraining order and your mother arrested them for violating terms of their release. And by terms I mean the very explicit and very much hard to misinterpret:  **_Do Not Contact Your Victim._ ** ”

“Yikes.”

“Yes, yikes.” He paused. “Could you do me a favor and never tell him I told you that, like ever.”

Kyle nodded. “I didn’t hear a thing.”

Max mouthed ‘Thank you.’ with a smile.

“Get in, Alex is having a crisis, you need a distraction, and I need backup.” He jerked his head towards the passenger side as he got into the drivers side.

“Are you sure I shouldn’t take my own car he freaks out?”

“If he freaks out you can take my car back to town and I’ll have him bring it to pick it up after I’ve helped him through his crisis.”

Max nodded. “Could we swing by my place? I want to drop off my side arm. No need for him to think that I’ve come to put him out of his misery.”

Kyle snapped his fingers. “Good idea. Let’s go and do that first.”

\-------------

Alex was waiting sitting on the front porch of the cabin on the porch swing with June Bug in his lap when Kyle pulled up. He smiled and raised a hand to greet him, a smile that dropped when Max got out of the passenger side.

“I come with booze!”

“You called the fuzz!”

“I come in peace!” Max said as he put his hands up in the air.

Kyle turned to him. “How long have you wanted to say that?”

Max shook his head. “Longer than you think.” He said with a smile.

“He brings junk food.” He looked over his shoulder and shrugged. “And he needs a distraction.”

Max grabbed the junk food.

“Is it something I should know about?” He asked, as he leveraged himself down from the seat of the porch swing and onto the porch itself.

Max shook his head. “It’s being taken care of and I’d just be more of a hindrance than a help.” He winced when Alex’s back hunched. “It’s not what you think, and it’s not got anything to do with you.”  _ Mostly. _ He added mentally.

Kyle cleared his throat. “And what have  _ you  _ been up to? Besides becoming a fur-dad.”

“Oh God, please don’t call me that.” Alex said with a snort as he lifted a beer to his lips. “I like to think of her as my Emotional Support Beagle.” He said as his free hand scratched her belly. “This is June Bug; it’s the name she came with, and she answers to it, so I didn’t change it.”

June Bug wiggled out of his embrace and approached the porch steps sniffing the air. She wasn’t sniffing Kyle though.

Both men stopped short and let her sniff them out. Alex paused, the lip of the bottle near his lips. “Have you ever… been around a dog, Max?”

“Um… I… We kind of go out of our way to not be around animals. We don’t know if they can… sniff us out or…” He hesitantly held out a closed fit and June Bug sniffed it and snuffled and gave a tiny sneeze before licking it, turning around and going back to Alex.

“If my dog dies because it licked you, Evans…”

“It won’t die… I think.” He shrugged helplessly. 

“Are you scared of dogs, Evans?” Kyle asked with a snort.

“No, no, we are not scared of dogs. Just, reasonably cautious.” He said as he as the bag of junk food at the top of the porch but took a seat a couple of steps down.

Kyle let out a playful huff as he sat across from Alex on the top step. “Afraid the animals can sense you’re not human?” 

Max didn’t answer and both men looked up suddenly. “Seriously?”

“There are dogs that can sniff out  **_cancer_ ** , you don’t think that they could sense… you know…” He motioned vague-ishly to his body.

Alex and Kyle looked at each other and shrugged. “Never thought of it that way.”

“Well, we did. So we just avoid being around animals if we can help it. Field trip to the zoo?  _ Mom, Iz and I aren’t comfortable with animals being kept in cages for the amusement of others. Can we skip that trip? _ ”

Alex almost snorted beer out of this nose and June Bug looked at him with grave concern. “That’s one way to get out of it,” Kyle said as he patted Alex’s back while the other man coughed and choked on his beer.

“It also got us out of petting zoos, circuses, and believe it or not trips to Auntie Myrtle's house and her menagerie of birds and cats and anything else she fancied owning.” Max added with a smile.

June Bug completed her sniffing of Alex, ensuring that he was okay, and went back to lazily lying in her master’s lap. Alex stroked her back after regained his composure.

There was a pregnant pause before Kyle let out a heavy sigh. “So, Alex…”

Alex sighed heavily.

“What have you been up to… haven’t seen you in…”

“Counseling. Heavy, intensive, counseling.”

“Really?”

“Yip.” He said as he drained the last of the beer and reached for a bag of Funyuns.

“How’s that working out?”

“Oh,” he chuckled dryly. “Just lovely. I'm discovering that my brain is a minefield of self destruction, self doubt, triggers and really bad, just plain awful coping mechanisms. Y’know, just what every child abuse surviver wants to have when they grow up.” June Bug looked up, stretched, and resettled herself against Alex’s torso with her head against his chest. Alex scratched her back and kissed her head. “I’m a hot mess, and those are my shrinks exact words.”

“Sticking to clinical terms I see.” Kyle muttered with a deep draw of his bear.

Alex let out a humorless laugh. “I’ve got so many issues that my issues have issues.”

“Ouch.” Max muttered, as he fiddled with his own bag of chips.

Alex rested his head against the porch banister and sighed. “Ouch is word for it. But the doctor also likes to use bigger words like ‘Self-Hate’ ‘Self-Sabotage’ ‘Internalized Homophobia’ and a couple of other terms that my brain currently is unable or unwilling to recall at the moment.” He smiled absently as he stroked June Bugs back. The doctor had suggested a pet to talk to and he had gone to the animal shelter right as they were leading a dog to the back to be put down. He had asked where they were taking her and the woman had frowned sadly and his heart had dropped. He had asked if there was anything wrong with her. And they had said just said ‘her time is up.’ And he had adopted her right then and there.

It wasn’t until he got home that he realized she was even a beagle.

“Amongst my many sins I project my feelings onto others. I lash out when I feel compromised. I’m selfish, I have ‘daddy issues’, and I’m hyper critical… usually of myself.” He let out a heavy sigh. “I find someone that I want to be with and I don’t know what to do with myself, or them, I push them away and then seek them out to keep them close. A real yoyo act. And sometimes, as an unintended bonus, I fuck them up too.”

He let out a heavy sigh, turning his eyes towards Max. “I … It’s my fault.”

Max winced as he sipped his beer. “You don’t get to take all the credit for this. Iz and I deserve credit as well. Hell, I played a nice hand in it.” He let out a derisive snort. “Ten years we didn’t hang out.  **_Ten years_ ** , the only time I saw him was in passing or in the drunk tank. I’m an idiot. Why did it never occur to me that he might have been getting arrested to see me or harass me.” He shook his head ruefully. “My brother needed me, hell, I needed him, and we were both to stubborn headed to admit it. Or I’m just too obtuse to admit that I shouldn’t have allowed him to disappear into himself after what we did.” He took one last gulp of beer before resting his head against porch stairs railing. 

“Iz and I had the good life growing up, and that was literally all that mattered to him.” He muttered, as Kyle handed him another beer. “He’s squirreled away all these feelings of self doubt and self loathing. Like he deserved to be treated like shit. Like he  _ deserved  _ to be alone.” He paused to open the beer and took a long drink.

“And I did nothing to help, that’s for sure.” Alex said ruefully as he opened a bag of Funyuns. “First thing I did at the reunion is basically accuse him of being a meth-head. That had to have done  _ tons  _ for his sense of self worth. Hell, even when we kissed we were completely alone. We left separately…” He groaned in frustration. “I was at the airstream and Isobel showed up and I made a big deal about her not knowing.” He let out a growl of frustration.

“Why am I like this? WHY?! I saw that it hurt him and I tried to apologize, but he accepted it. He left, distracted her, and I left… like a fucking coward, I left.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I deserve whatever hate he feels for me.” His voice was pinched with emotion.

Max shook his head. “But that’s the thing; Michael doesn’t hate you. He can’t hate you. You could spit in his face and would still love you. Just the same way that as soon as I needed him, he was there for me. He kept me from doing something stupid and all I had to do was look at him; didn’t even ask, he just knew. And we picked up right where we left off.” He shook his head sadly. “When Michael loves someone it is absolute. I don’t know if it’s a side-effect of his shit childhood, his shit adolescence, or that’s just how he’s wired. Hell, that might be how we’re all hard wired. When Michael loves you, that’s it. He’s your ‘Ride Or Die’. Doesn’t matter how hard you kick him when he’s down, he’ll have your back when the chips are down.” Max closed his eyes tightly and pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s great. I hate it.”

“Welp, the good news is that when he hates you, he  _ really  _ **_really_ ** hates you.” Kyle interjected, attempting, if not in a hollow way, to lighten the mood. “Michael’s hated me since High School.”

“You were a bully.” Alex said plainly. 

“Michael hates bullies.” Max agreed. “Do you know how many of the fights Michael got into were over a bully?”

Both men turned to him expectantly. “ **_All of them._ ** ” He paused. “No wait, there was that time one a jock insulted Isobel’s top and made her cry. That one was a freebie. He was raring for a fight, and that was enough of an excuse for him.”

Alex paused. “I hated that guy.”

Kyle made a non-commital noise of agreement while he sipped his beer. He remembered that fight. And he distinctly remembered egging both sides on. And Max breaking it up after Michael had clearly cleaned the jocks clock.

“But the point I’m making is that it was  **_ten years ago_ ** and I swear, everytime he looks at me, he’s waiting for an excuse to clean my clock.” Both men looked at him curiously. “And I swear, ever since I moved back, whenever I see him driving that truck of his; it’s like he’s contemplating whether or not the vehicular manslaughter charge would be worth it.”

Max chuckled into his beer bottle. “Even if he is thinking about it, he wouldn’t. It would be tantamount to abandoning Iz.” He shook his head ruefully. “And he’d never abandon Iz. She’s his person.”

Alex winced. Max grimaced and mouthed an apology. Alex shrugged. “It’s not like Michael can see a shrink.”

“God, poor shrink.” Kyle muttered as he grabbed some more junk food.

Max shrugged. “Even if he went, even if he only discussed everything  **_but_ ** the whole ‘Alien’ thing. He wouldn’t. Not the way he needs to.” He grabbed a bag of sugary junk food, he needed something sweet to counteract the sour mood he was descending into.

“Is he talking to  _ anyone?” _

“Maria.” Both men answered.

“She’s his confidant. His safe place. No judgement. Just advice and someone to listen to when it-- hey… Alex?”

Alex covered his eyes with his hands and felt his soul leave his body. He knew they were dating, had known for months. But it hear it from someone else… to hear them say that she was his person…

He loved Maria. If it hadn’t been for the Ortecho’s and the DeLuca’s he wouldn’t have survived high school. She was going to  **_hate_ ** him.

How could she  **_not_ ** hate him, for he hated himself for all that he had done.

The thought of her  **_hating_ ** him was enough to cause him deep despair.

This was it.

This was how he died.

He heard June Bug yiping, felt her nuzzling his neck and nipping at his ear. But it didn’t matter. None of any of that mattered. He was going to lose the only family that had ever accepted him. And it was his own damn fault.

There were sounds around him, one, two voices, both frantic. Things were being moved. Someone was running. But none of it mattered 

“ _ Max, there is some sandpaper in my glove compartment.” _

_ “Sandpaper?!” _

_ “SANDPAPER!” _

_ “Ok, ok.” _

_ “Good, now get a quilt from his couch. Grab something sugary to drink out of his frig! Something non-alcoholic!!” _

_ “Anything else?” _

_ “Check his night stand. See if there are any anti-anxiety meds… uh, valium, xanax…” _

_ “Vistaril?”* _

_ “Bring it.” _

He felt hands moving him, June Bug was still licking at his face and nipping at his ear. 

_ “Alex, Alex, look at me… Look, there you are… hey… hey… don’t close your eyes… I need you to answer three questions for me. What’s my name?” _

_ “Kyyyyle.” _

_ “Whose President?” _

Alex looked at him blankly _. “Voldemort.” _

Kyle snickered. _ “I would have also accepted Palpacheeto.” _

_ “What’s your dogs name.” _

_ “Juniiee. June Bug.” _

_ “Also correct. Alex, I’m going to administer your anxiety medication. Normally you don’t mix it with booze, but it’s either this or the ER.” _

_ “No, no, please, please… no ER.” _

_ “It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m going to put this in your mouth and your going to swallow and then drink from the cup I put against your lips. Then you’re going to fall asleep.” _

Alex’s hand grasped at his arm suddenly, desperately clinging to him. “ _ Please don’t leave… please don’t leave… everyone leaves… every--” _

_ “Shhh, I’m not leaving. We’re both staying.”  _ Kyle looked over his shoulder Max was solemnly agreeing. “ _ See, now, here’s the pill, just swallow it and then drink the lemonade. I'm here, and Max is here, and June Bug is here. We’re all going to be here when you wake up.” _

Alex opened his mouth, Kyle popped the pill in, and Alex smiled weakly as Kyle put the glass and he drank a couple of sips before going completely limp against him.

Max looked at Kyle, his brow furrowed with concern. “Should that have worked that quick?”

“Not even remotely. Now I’m concerned.” He gently moved Alex's face so that he could look at it more closely. “I wonder how much sleep he’s been getting.”

June Bug barked from her place on Alex’s lap.

Both men looked at her quizzically. “If only dogs could talk.” He pointed at her. “You’d have some questions to answer.” He said sternly.

Max scoffed. “Lets get him in bed. No need for him to sleep out here.”

“Gimme a hand.” Kyle grunted. “I know they say that muscle weighs more than fat, but jesus, I think he’s taking it a little far.” 

Max chuckled as he took lifted Alex by his leg and his stump. “There is a very protective beagle that is very politely adding her weight.”

“That goes without saying…” As they entered the door June Bug leaped off her masters lap and bolted for the porch. “Please do NOT run away you little flea---” his words trailed off as June Bug grabbed his crutch by the handle and dragged it in behind them.

“You think he has some treats stashed around here?” Max asked as he watched her pull the crutch all the way down the hall and into what he assumed was Alex’s room.

“Oh, he better.” Kyle muttered under his breath as they followed her down the hall and into the room. They chuckled at the sight of her already on the bed, waiting patiently on the bed, while also looking like she was about to spring on them if they hurt her master. “She’s adorable.”

“Yes, they get you to lower your defences by looking cute. But she could totally lick your face off. Scariest creature on the planet.” Max muttered as they settled Alex onto the bed.

“I can’t even tell if you’re being sarcastic.”

Max smirked as if to say ‘I know.’

“Help me get him comfortable. Take off his shoe, and be glad that he’s not wearing his prosthetic. Those, I hear, are a bugger to get off if you’re not the one wearing it.” 

“I’ll get his pajama pants out and on him. While I’m doing that I need you to get a trash bin that’s empty and doesn’t smell, a couple of bottles of water and…” he reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys. “There’s a doctors bag in my trunk. I’m going to need it, please.”

Max caught the keys. “Got it. Clean trash can, water, bag.”

When Max left the room Kyle sighed heavily and went about shimmying his jeans (thank god he wasn’t wearing skinny jeans today!) June Bug curled up at Alex’s shoulder and rested her head on his chest. Kyle and June Bug made eye contact when Kyle started taking off his pants. “I didn’t forget your treat. And I’m not taking advantage of him, you have my word.”

June Bug seemed to squint at him before giving the ever so slightest ‘wuff’ of acknowledgement before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep.

“Good dog. Probably the best friend he’s had in ages.” He grumbled more to himself than anyone else. “That’s on us though. We’ll fix this. Just gotta give us some time.” He muttered as he slipped on Alex’s pajama pants… the ones with the little guitars on it.  _ What a nerd. _

A couple of minutes later Max came back with a trash can with a new liner and looking like it were brand new. Kyle raised an eyebrow at it.

“The entire cabin is like this.” Max looked around. “He’s either a neatnik or--”

Kyle shook his head. “Creating control in a chaotic life.”

Max winced at that. “Um… here’s the rest of that stuff you wanted.”

“Ah, yes, thank you… you can go… I’ll just…”

“No.” He said suddenly. “You said ‘ _ we’ll be here when you wake up’  _ and I am part of the ‘we’. I’m staying.” He paused, his eyes landing on Alex and heaving a heavy sigh. “Between the two of ‘em … neither had a great childhood.”

Kyle let out a huff of air, his shoulders hunching. “We can talk after I take his vitals.”

Max nodded, motioning to the doctors bag. “I didn’t actually think those were a real thing.”

Kyle chuckled under his breath. “They’re not. Not really. But my dad.” His voice hitched a little. “Near the end, his brain was a lot of fuzzy. But he knew I was going to be a doctor. So he did what any proud father would do. He got onto mom's laptop while she was in the bathroom and ordered a fancy medical bag.” Max snorted at that. “He said: ‘Any doctor worth his salt is ready to make a home call.’” His smile faltered. “I almost returned it. It cost a lot. But a week after I got it …”

Max winced. “I remember… that wasn’t a good time for anyone.”

Kyle shook his head. “Mom told me to keep it. So I did. And I used it as a glorified backpack in college. And then I became a doctor and I almost stopped using it. But I couldn’t. I keep a little of this and that in it ‘in case of emergencies’.”

“I’d say this is an emergency.” 

Kyle nodded as he took Alex’s pulse, and then put his stethoscope under his shirt and listened to his heart. “I’m not saying he saw the future, but I am saying dad was never wrong.” He winced. “Almost never wrong.”

Done with his exam he stood up and took off his stethoscope. “He’s stable, for now at least.” June Bug opened her eyes sleepily. “There’s cold water, some salty and sugar snacks, the trash can… and dog treats.” June Bug followed his eyes to each item and her treats. “If he wakes up, bark. Because I know you’re not gonna leave his side.” He said as he took the sandpaper and put it in his right hand.  _ Something to ground him.  _ He thought to himself.

She woofed softly before closing her eyes again.

“Good dog.” He muttered as he grabbed his bag and quietly walked out of the room. He motioned for Max to follow him, but neither man could bring themselves to close the door.

Kyle sat on the chair while Max perched himself on the couches armrest.

Kyle picked up a decorative pillow, buried his face in it and let out a muffled scream. Max raised a concerned eyebrow.

“Feel better?”

“Not even remotely. I… I…” he narrowed his eyes at Max. “Did you and Isobel know about Michael’s foster parents--”

“Yes and no. Yes, we knew that most of the parents were at best neglectful and at worst violent. But he wouldn’t let us report them, because it would mean they could send him away from us, away from Roswell.” He winced internally. 

He shook his head. “See, Isobel and I… our connection is deeper. I can feel her. It’s like an intangible warmth.” He shook his head sadly. “I can’t feel Michael, not all of the time. Not like that. But there were times we could feel him acutely.” He gave out a humorless snort. “The first time we discovered that I could heal was because of Michael. We felt him, we could feel that he was in pain. We knew he was hurting, but we couldn’t… we weren’t old enough or strong enough to be able to find each other, not yet. We almost set off to look for him, but just as we went to get our bikes out we found him… in our shed. He was holding his arm, it was broken, and not a clean break either.”

Kyle sat up a little straighter. “But it’s not like you could just go to the hospital.”

“Hospitals meant doctors, needles, blood work and questions. And if they figured out that Michael wasn’t human it wouldn’t take long for them to figure out that ‘Hey, he was one of the kids found naked and mute walking down the high-way. Oh hey, the Evans kids were the other two with him. They are all Aliens.’ Which, to our thinking, would inevitably lead to nice men in white lab coats taking us away to be their own personal lab rats for the rest of our natural lives.” 

Kyle turned to him, holding the pillow to his chest. “Ouch.”

“We had very active imaginations.” He said softly.

“So you just healed him?”

“No, I tried to set it. And it hurt him. Which upset us both. And I was trying to comfort him; assure him that we weren’t going to let anyone take him away from us, my hand… it just started glowing and it hurt. But I couldn’t let go. And then we were both screaming and the lights flickered and then his arm was healed. But it wasn’t just his arm, it was his split lip, his black eye, all of his bruises… everything.”

“I bet he was furious.”

“You have no idea.” Max said ruefully. “ _ ‘What the hell, Max? How the hell am I supposed to explain a healed arm? And my black eye? My split lip. They see this and they are gonna make it worse _ !’ But I didn’t hear him. I was too busy getting violently ill in a trash can.”

“That’s a very peculiar side effect.” Kyle furrowed his brow. “So, you didn’t report them then?”

“Didn’t have to. His neighbor heard Michael screaming when they were beating him. They just happened to have their brand new video camera on them. Y’know, taping random things with their new shiny toy. And so they captured the last couple of minutes of the beating; including the snap of his arm. They had their spouse call the cops and recorded it. Right up to the point where they literally kicked him out of the house and told him to not come back  _ or else. _ ”

Kyle pulled a face. “And the cops didn’t think anything of him being not injured…” Max looked away. “Oh…  _ oh. Oh my god.” _

He shook his head. “He showed up with his arm in a sling, a cut on his lip, a black eye some bruising on his chest. We were with him on our bikes. We were going to sneak him into his bedroom, but the cops were there. We lied through our teeth. We told em we were playing in the park when he stumbled out of the woods. We told them that he was too scared to go to the cops because they hadn’t believed him before, so we took him a free clinic in town. They patched him up and promised they’d never say a word.” He shrugged. “They believed us. And the free clinic in town does have a ‘don’t tattle on patients’ code that even the cops know they won’t budge on.” 

He closed his eyes and sighed. “I’m not proud of it. But we all knew he couldn’t go back looking like new.”

Kyle sucked in a harsh breath. “But he had you. He had you both. And you tried.”

Max shook his head, eyes welling up with tears. “It wasn’t enough. It was never enough.” He sniffled. “We over compensated for it as we got older. Our parents family is pretty well off. We have plenty of well meaning Aunts and Uncles that have little to no concept of what an age appropriate gift is. For our 16th birthday we both got cars and a  **_ridiculous_ ** amount of cash.” He shrugged lamely. “Not enough to buy a new truck. But enough to buy a shitty looking used truck that ran well. We paid for it flat out so that he wouldn’t have to worry about payments, a high end sleeping bag keep warm in the coldest temperatures, and some fancy heater that plugged into the cigarette lighter. That way, when things got too hot at the group home, he could just sleep in the back of his truck.” He shook his head sadly. “It was preferable to staying up at night and worrying if he was safe.” He said sadly.

Kyle grimaced. “But he  **_had_ ** you two and Alex had…”

“Liz, Maria, and by extension Rosa and the Ortecho’s and Mimi De Luca.”

“Yes, I get that. I do. But the Ortecho’s… they couldn’t turn Jesse Manes in without putting Mr. Ortecho in danger. Mimi DeLuca--” He scoffed. “She probably helped in her own ‘ephemeral’ way. But… It… It should have been me. If I hadn’t had my head stuck so far up my own ass. If I hadn’t been such a  _ fucking  _ coward about being seen with someone that wasn’t the image of a hyper-masculine manly man….” He ran both hands through his hair and pulled at it. “The  _ number  _ of times I blew off my dad on the weekend because I just  **_had_ ** to go to this party or spend time with the boys; while he went and took Alex out to fish at this cabin… until  **_Jesse Manes_ ** put a stop to that.” He spat the name with all the vitriol he felt.

He stood up suddenly and started pacing the length of the room. But Max put a hand up to stop him. “You’re gonna wake him up.”

Kyle growled with frustration before forcing himself to sit down in the seat behind him. “Looking back on it now....”

“They say hindsight is 20/20.” Max offered.

Kyle picked up the pillow and gripped it so hard it turned his knuckles white. “He started wearing make-up our freshman year… and that’s when I started bullying him.” He grit out between clenched teeth. “He was hiding the bruises that Manes left above the collar. We live in fucking New Mexico and Alex wore long sleeved shirts and pants all year round! He wasn’t being edgy and emo--”

“He was looking for a reason to be seen as an outcast.” Max offered softly.

“I could  **_literally_ ** go back in time and beat my own ass.” He growled softly. He narrowed his eyes at Max. “ **_You_ ** got to overcompensate.”

“Yeah, and then the accident happened and I promptly overcompensated by not being anything to him for the  **_next DECADE._ ** ”

But Kyle shook his head. “But he knew. He knew you loved him. You always got him out of the drunk tank and drove him back to the Wild Pony to get his truck.”

“ _ And lecture him. _ ” Max grit out.

“But a lecture showed him you still cared. You or Isobel were there to pick him up or bail him out. And he and Isobel were still close. What did Alex have? Liz disappeared into the aether. She didn’t talk to anyone from home the entire time. He might have,  _ might have  _ had contact with Mimi and Maria…” He lifted the pillow and once more buried his face in it and screamed.

Max walked across the room and squeezed his shoulder. “Overcompensate  **_now._ ** Don’t smother him, don’t be a mother hen. You can’t go back and change the past, but you can show him you care  **_now._ ** ”

“Me and you, Liz, Maria, hell, even Michael can help. But especially Maria. He hasn’t had a stable support system since  **_high school._ ** ” He sighed heavily. “Mentioning Maria is what triggered the panic attack itself.” He shook his head sadly. “We need to get them together in a room so that they can talk and put these fears to rest.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “He needs support and we’re going to see to it that he gets it.”

Kyle nodded, swallowing hard. “Yeah. You’re right.” He looked over his shoulder and his eyes widened. “Shit, it’s getting dark.”

Max did a double take. “It is, uh… I have to make a call. You need to--”

“Everyone that would need to know is on the other side of the call to make. Besides my mom. And I don’t live with her.” 

Max smirked. “I’ll tell Liz that we’re helping out a mutual friend and to not wait up for me. I’ll text Michael.” He shrugged when Kyle gave him a reproachful look. “It helps his anxiety if he knows where we are from time to time.”

Kyle nodded. “I think I’m going to…”

“Shower, you need a shower.” Max said without prompting. “I’m going to make some stew for when he wakes up. We should take shifts watching him; just to make sure he’s okay.”

Kyle rolled his eyes.

“What? I’m the eldest. I’m always bossing them around.”

“You don’t even know how old you are.”

Max shrugged. “I’ve always been bossy so we just assumed it was the natural order of things. Iz tried being bossy but we never really listened to her.”

“But they listen to you?”

“Reluctantly, but yeah.”

Kyle shook his head. “I’ll take a shower, but I’m taking first watch!” He asserted suddenly.

Max smiled. “Ok. I’ll make some stew with what I can find. And don’t worry. I’ll clean up after myself.”

Kyle rolled his eyes and walked away.

\-------------------------------------

*vistaril: non-habit forming anti-anxiety medication that you can take while having a panic attack. At least, that’s how I read it on the internet.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda messed with my own timeline. It should be several days later. not seven. I'll fix it in the story eventually. For now I just wanna post it.  
> (after posting this i realized i lost an ENTIRE CHAPTER) then it screw up the order so... MEH! HERE IS THE REAL CHAPTER3

(part three of what was supposed to be a one shot)

  
  


Maxed lifted his phone to his ear and walked to the kitchen; which was thankfully close enough to Alex’s room that he could keep an eye on him while he got the stew ready. 

After his call to Liz, he texted Michael, and they texted for a bit as he very quietly searched Alex’s house for soup and pots to cook it in. Michael was considerably calmer than he had been when he had last seen him pacing a hole in the floor of his ranch house when he wasn’t triple checking that all the doors and windows were shut and locked. Thankfully Michael hadn’t really asked many questions about where he was or who he was with, so he didn’t have to lie. 

Eventually, Maria informed him that dinner was ready and that they weren’t waiting for him. (They had made his favorite; chili-cheese-fries. “It’s the entire food pyramid. Chili. Cheese. And FRIES.”) Michael had hastily texted “Luv u bro, but I love food more.” And that was that.

Which left Max free to start his own dinner. He tried to be quiet about it but invariably he dropped some pans noisily enough to wake the dead. But he heard no stirring from the bedroom from either Alex or June Bug. So he checked on them. He checked Alex’s heartbeat with his hand over his chest, his pulse in his neck. 

Satisfied that he was okay, he tiptoed back into the kitchen and started his stew. He was ever so grateful that Alex was a typical bachelor with mostly ready-made soups and stews in stock in his pantry. Even better, he found some left-over chicken breast in the refrigerator and some spices that would add some variety. (He really needed to stop watching so much food network in his off time.) Once the stew was simmering he put the lid on the pot, wiped his hand on a towel, and started looking around for a thermos.

Kyle came around the corner drying his hair with a towel and wearing what looked to be an Air Force t-shirt and his own jeans. Max was going to ask about the shirt but then noticed his eyes looked a little blood-shot and decided to leave well enough alone.  _ We all need to see a fucking shrink. _ He thought to himself as he opened a cabinet door on the floor level and found what he was looking for.

He must have pulled the classic ‘Ah-HA’ face because he could hear Kyle chuckling. “What are you looking for?” Kyle asked as he lazily dried his hair. 

“This.”

“A thermos. A Scooby-Doo and The Gang thermos. That is a very specific item…”

Max rolled his eyes. “For the soup. We’re going to eat and put some in this so that we don’t have to re-heat it when he wakes up.”

“Impressive, Evans.” 

“I’m not just the oldest because I’m bossy. I’m the oldest because I’m the one that takes care of them when they’re not well.”

Kyle narrowed his eyes. “But you lot don’t get-- Oh.”

Max grimaced. “There’s more than just illness that needs tending to. Heartbreaks and bruises are just as bad sometimes.”

Kyle nodded as he looked around the kitchen. “You’ve been cleaning up as you go I see.”

Max looked over his shoulder as he carefully poured the stew into the thermos. “I’m not going to leave a mess behind. What kind of animal do you think I am?” He cursed under his breath.

“I’m not even going there.” Kyle shook his head. “And, as far as I’m concerned, you lot are a lot more human than some folk involved in this mess that has become our lives.”

_ Jesse Manes. _

But neither man dared utter his name as it would cause them to lose their appetite.

Kyle got out the bowls, the crackers, some shredded cheese from the refrigerator, and the spoon. “Looks good.”

“Just a couple of cans of canned stew, some added chicken breasts and spices.” Max shrugged.

“Max, I’m lucky if I eat a protein bar after work. This is gourmet as far as I’m concerned.” 

Max chuckled as he dug into his bowl. “Mm. It does taste good.” He conceded.

“Told ya.”

They ate in silence until Kyle got up and filled his empty bowl with water, set it in the sink and then sat back down. “Growing up, I looked up to my dad. In my eyes, he was perfect.” He turned to Max. “You?”

Max shrugged. “I don’t remember my real parents. But the Evans? They weren’t perfect. But they did right by us, I suppose. I… I don’t think I ever forgave them for not taking in Michael too.” He paused, heaving a heavy sigh. “It’s hard to explain. I don’t… I don’t remember the crash, or our first days on earth. None of us remember crawling out of the pods, or walking down the highway, or being taken in by the good Samaritan, or being put in the home. I don’t remember the first couple of months, but I… Isobel and I, we  **_knew_ ** we were missing something… someone. Took three years, but eventually, Michael got sent to a home here, in Roswell.” He gave a little smirk. “We didn’t know he was in town, we didn’t know who he was, but the moment we laid eyes on him.” He shook his head wistfully. “We walked right up to him and pulled him into an empty room. And we just knew it. We didn’t have to say a word. We just hugged each other and looked each other over to make sure we were okay…” his smile wilted a little at that. “And we knew he wasn’t okay. But he didn’t care. We were back together and it felt right. That was literally all he cared about.” 

He paused thoughtfully. “It’s all  **_we_ ** cared about. Being together.”

“And your parents?”

“None the wiser. They’ve never even met him.”

Kyle reared back incredulously at that. “Seriously? You guys did everything together…”

“Everything but spend the night at each other's house or visit.”

Kyle pulled a face that was somewhere between a wince and grimace. “But why?”

Max rolled his eyes. “Because dad knew he was from a ‘broken home’ and nothing good ever came from kids ‘in the system’.” 

Kyle scoffed. “He is a genius; even I knew that.”

Max shrugged. “Didn’t matter to dad. Didn’t matter that he tutored us for free. ‘As long as he doesn’t do it here, it’s fine. Mark my words, he steps into this house, and he’ll rob us blind.’.” Max mimicked his father voice and rolled his eyes.

“We tried to talk him up; ‘accentuate the positive’.” He said making quote-y fingers.

“Didn’t work, did it?”

Max pulled a face and shook his head. “The day he called Michael a ‘good for nothing degenerate who’ll do nothing but leech off society’ Iz didn’t speak to him for a week and still doesn’t look at him the same ...”

Kyle hissed sharply. “Harsh.”

Max snorted softly. 

“What?”

“Just made me remember that Iz got married twice just so Michael could be there. One time in Vegas; Michael was her bridesmaid. And one time ‘The Real One’ for everyone else.”

Kyle narrowed his eyes. “I thought you two weren't--”

“We called a ‘temporary truce’ and Iz got to have wedding photos with both of us in them.” Max poured himself a Kyle a refill of their lemonade. 

“So the second wedding... He really just didn’t go? Didn’t even try?”

"Oh, he was there. In the choir balcony, wearing the tux he didn't return, sipping a glass of champagne. But that was all." He sighed with a shrug. “It was better that way. No drama, no fights.”

“Basically, no fun.”

Max nodded, pulling a face of only slight contrition.

“And now, we have two childhood trauma survivors with enough abandonment and trust issues to capsize a freighter.” 

Max nodded, draining his glass, contemplating it, wishing it were something stronger, but knowing that that wasn’t going to help.

“And Maria is stuck in the middle. Liz too, if you think about it. Michael and Liz have this ‘science bro’ friendship.”

“‘Science bro’?”

“They text each other science things, and sometimes she goes over to his bunker, and they science together.”

“Ah, science.”

“Make nice, and they might science with you too.” Max offered.

But Kyle declined. “Different kinds of science. If I joined I’d probably end up as the experiment.” He grimaced. “And sometimes I think I might deserve it.” He added bitterly.

Max shook his head. “No, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named maybe?”

“Pfft.” Kyle snorted as he finished off his glass of lemonade but begged off another refill. “Unless he was tranqed to the gills, restrained in a cell, gagged, blindfolded.”

“ Touché .”

There was a long pause before Kyle sighed again. “He needs to see ‘em both. Needs to know that they aren’t turning their backs on him and don’t hate him.”

“Yes, but let’s give him a couple of days to recover. Find some equilibrium.”

Kyle nodded. “He also has to believe that  **_we’re_ ** not going to abandon him either.” He said his look questioning.

“Of course. Loyalty to my brother doesn’t mean I can’t be loyal to Alex by default.”

“Good.” Kyle paused then let out a derisive snort. “Because it’s not like Michael depends on me for anything besides the occasional verbal sparring partner.” 

Max couldn’t help but chuckle at that and watched as Kyle picked up the thermos and headed towards the bedroom. “I’m going to make myself comfortable in there. You could probably use a shower yourself.” He added, crossing his arms and puffing out his chest.

Though he couldn’t be 100% certain, Max was pretty sure that Kyle was trying to ‘act like an older brother’. But seeing as Kyle was raised an only child… it was very poorly executed. But Max had to give him points for trying. 

He nodded. “I will, and then I’ll clean up, and make myself comfortable out here till say… three or so?” Kyle wasn’t going to last till midnight. It had been a rough day, seeing his childhood friend looking so ragged and worn thin.

“Yeah, sounds about right.” Kyle nodded, before confidently walking into Alex’s room, pulling one of the armchairs behind him.

_ ‘Yeah, definitely should shower and clean up. He’s definitely not going to last past midnight.’  _ Not that he could blame him. He had only seen the very beginning of Michael’s freaking out before Liz had unceremoniously escorted him out of his own house.

_ ‘He’s my brother!’  _ He had tried to argue.

_ ‘Yes, and he’s at his worst right now. He’s freaking out, and he loves you and as much as he loves you; he’s terrified of disappointing you, of you seeing him like this and being disappointed with him. So go, let him have his panic attack, and we’ll watch out over him and make sure he’s safe and well taken care of. He knows you love him, Max. But he’s terrified of you thinking less of him.’ _

And as much as her words had gutted him, he also knew that her words rang true. There were three things Michael lived in fear of; having to depend on others, being seen as weak and being a disappointment to Isobel. But it occurred to him recently that it might have been him that Michael didn’t want to disappoint… and he couldn’t put a finger on why… It didn’t matter how much or how often they tried to tell him that they loved him and that nothing would change that. There was a persistent nagging voice in his head that told him otherwise. 

With a sigh, Max cleaned up the kitchen and stared at his phone. Part of him wanted to text Michael, make sure he was okay. But the rest of him knew better. If he was calm now, there was no need to rock the boat. He would text one of the girls for an update; once he got out of the shower.

\--------

After his refreshing shower, Max found that Liz had texted him from Isobel’s phone. It was a simple message, but it felt like it took a ten-pound weight had been lifted off his shoulder.  _ He’s asleep, in ur bed, in ur jammies. lel.  _

He could deal with that. It was better than not knowing where he was.

He poured himself another glass of lemonade, picked an interesting book from Alex’s small collection; and probably the only one that didn’t have to do with war or the military and settled himself in a couch against the wall in Alex’s bedroom. Kyle nodded his head from the seat next to Alex’s bed where he seemed to be struggling to stay awake, but he wasn’t going to bring it up. So he settled in on the couch against the back wall and used his phone as a reading light and allowed himself to blend into the background for a bit. He didn’t look up until he heard a telltale snore from across the room and saw that despite having sat himself within three feet of the closest lamp; that Kyle had fallen asleep. He glanced at the clock on his phone and smirked internally. It was a quarter to midnight.

He set down his book and raised his hand. He didn’t like admitting it, but ‘the Noah Incident’ had left him feeling powerless. So he had been training; they all had. Trying to become stronger, learn more about what they were capable of. It was frustrating because they had no way of knowing what to do or how to do it. It was a lot of trial and error with more error than anything else. But he had found that he could, sometimes, turn things off, flip switches from the other side of the room; without causing every light in the house to explode.

So, he stretched out his hand and concentrated on the switch, just flipping it, nothing more. And a few seconds later he was rewarded by the *click* of the switch being turned and the room being plunged further into darkness. He fist-pumped in victory… and was very glad to be by himself when he did. It wasn’t the most useful skill, but he would work his way up to moving bigger things one day… eventually.

The celebration over, he went back to reading his book, occasionally looking at Alex to make sure he was sleeping calmly. Until one time he did Alex wasn’t sleeping so soundly anymore.

\---------

_ The heat was unbearable… the sun was pounding down on him and the dune he was climbing seemed to want to swallow him whole.  _

_ “TEN HUT!” He could  _ **_feel_ ** _ his father’s eyes boring into the back of his skull. “Move it, Private! MOOOOVE IT!” He didn’t have to look over his shoulder to know his father was trudging up after him and catching up to him fast. _

_ Suddenly his leg gave out on him and the sand truly did start to drag him under.  _

_ He slipped and flipped, trying to find purchase on the ever-changing, ever-moving sand. But there was nothing to hold onto, and the sand was quickly overtaking him.  _

_ A shadow fell over him and he looked up desperately.  _

_ “Dad. Please… I can’t…” _

_ “You were never enough to  _ **_be_ ** _ a Mane’s man. And now, you’re not even  _ **_whole_ ** _.” _

_ “Please… dad--” _

_ His left hand reached out for his father while his right hand tried with futility to dig his way out. But suddenly there was something rough against his neck and sand was wet around his neck and there was something … nibbling at his ear? Growling softly? Licking his neck and face?  _

_ His right hand found purchase in… something rough and scratchy?  _

_ He was being  _ **_licked?_ **

_ He looked up suddenly at his father, his heart beating wildly. “You… You’re not real… this isn’t… real… stop! STOP! STOP!” _

\-----

Max noticed that Alex started thrashing slightly in his sleep, but June Bug noticed before he did as she was licking his neck, nipping at his ear and growling softly. He didn’t move but he did hold out his hand to turn on the light and despite his heart rate rising the light came on without a spark.

Max knew better than to make too many sudden moves, so he stayed where he was; on the couch against the wall, book in his lap and phone with flashlight pointed towards the page of the book, and he waited.

It didn’t take long for June Bug to get frustrated with his lack of response before she abandoned nibbling at his ear, stood on his chest and started frantically licking his face and as she growled. He saw Alex’s hand clenched around the sandpaper and his fingers start feeling the surface. It made him wonder how much research Kyle had done on PTSD to have known about that.

But before he could think too long on it Alex bolted upright, arms surging around June Bug as she lavished his face with kisses. “June Bug,” he breathed out harshly. “June Bug… my savior…” he whispered, his voice tight with emotion. He rocked with the dog for a few seconds before his eyes started darting around the room.

Max cleared his throat and Alex whipped his head around. Max didn’t bother looking up; it was a small way of giving the man some dignity. 

“H-how long… How did I… I ---”

“Do you know where you are?”

Alex blinked rapidly, shaking his head. “The Valenti Cabin… my cabin.”

“The year?”

“2019.”

“Good,” he said calmly.

Alex slumped against his headboard, his head hitting the backboard with a thud. “What happened?” He asked softly, his eyes closed tight. He opened his eyes and started scanning his surroundings. “Kyle?”

“Think about it. What’s the last thing you remember?” Max prompted as he turned the flashlight off and set the book to the side. He wasn’t sure if he should approach him or let him alone, so he stayed where he was at the moment.

Alex closed his eyes tightly, one hand petting June Bug while the other hand absently rubbed his fingers over the surface of the coarse sandpaper. 

Max got up slowly and walked towards him cautiously. “Maybe we don’t think about it right away. Maybe first drink some lemonade. There’s some stew in the thermos. And some treats for June Bug next to it. She’s earned some.”

June Bug let out a small  _ woof  _ at that. Both men laughed. Alex brought the hand holding the sandpaper closer to his face. 

“That was Kyle.”

“Sandpaper.”

“Did it work?”

“Yes, yes it did.”

“How are you feeling?”

Alex sighed. “Like… Like…” he peeled the blanket off his sweaty body. “I need a shower first.” 

Max couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “Okay then, you shower, and I’ll move the meal for the kitchen, or living room… or wherever…”

Alex nodded, smiling. “I just need my… shit… my crutch. It must be out--” His voice trailed off when Max bent over and picked up his crutch. “Thanks…”

“Thank June Bug. She’s the one that dragged it in here.” He turned the crutch over. “You’ll notice the tiny teeth marks on the padding of the handle.”

Alex saw them and laughed. “Awww. Thank you, Junie. You’re the best.” He leaned down and kissed her head, and she preened, holding her nose high up in the air with pride. 

When he pulled the blanket back to get out of bed he looked down and frowned. “I don’t remember--”

“That was also Kyle.”

“Seriously?”

“I took care of the food, and he took care of--” he motioned vaguely in Alex’s direction. “Everything else.”

Alex’s cheeks turned beet red. “I’m so glad I wasn’t going commando.”

Max’s eyes widened and he covered his mouth. “Small mercies.”

Alex got up and June Bug jumped off the bed to follow them. He stopped at the door and turned to Kyle. Max saw and stepped back into the room. He grabbed the blanket at the end of Alex’s bed and draped it over Kyle. 

“I think he worked a double or something.”

“We should leave the door open, just so that he knows everything is okay.” 

Max nodded, but before he left he took the treats, the food, and the lemonade. When he made it to the kitchen Alex was already in the bathroom and June Bug was waiting patiently on a dining room table chair wagging her tail.

Max looked around before leaning in and saying. “You don’t turn me into the government for being an alien and I’ll give you all the treats that you can eat; or however many Alex will allow... Whichever comes first. We got a deal?”

June Bug woofed at him and when he held out his fisted hand she tapped it with her paw. “We’re good then.” He smiled weakly and opened the treat bag and put two or three on her chair for her to eat. 

By the time Alex was done showering Max had the drinks set out and the stew re-heated. 

“Ah, just for me?” Alex cracked with a wicked smile.

Max rolled his eyes and motioned for him to take a seat. He even made himself a bowl so Alex wouldn’t feel like he was being watched like a hawk… and he was hungry.

“This is good. Is this my stew?”

Max nodded. “I’ll reimburse you--”

“No, no. But it’s different?”

“Spices and you had some leftover chicken breasts I added.” He shrugged. “I watch too much food network.”

Alex shook his head and smiled. “I am not complaining.” His smile waned a bit. “I’ve not had a good meal in a while.” He trailed off sadly.

Max sighed heavily. “We have to talk, Manes. I’m not trying to put you off the food, but we gotta talk what happened out there…” he motioned to the porch. “... and about Michael.”

As if sensing her owners’ moods shift June Bug crawled into his lap, nosed her way into his shirt and pawed her way up to the collar. Somehow, she managed to squirm around until her back was laying against the shirt, stretching it out it enough that she was able to relax against the shirt and easily looking up Alex through the neck hole. He looked down through the neck hole at her, she gave a small  _ woof _ , and playfully pawed at him.

Alex smiled down at her and kissed her head.

“Look,” Max started, as he lazy took a bite of the stew. “I don’t hate you. Michael doesn’t hate you. Isobel is… eh… she’s upset, but she’ll get over it.” He shook his head. “We don’t hate you… And Maria and Liz could  **_never_ ** hate you. We’re just…” He raked his hands through his hair. “Michael hasn’t come first in anyone's priorities, ever.  **_Including his own._ ** And it’s chipped away at him until…”

“I… inadvertently lit a torch near a person compiled of matchsticks,” Alex said softly as he contemplated his stew and took another bite.

“But it wasn’t just you. It was his shit childhood. It was his shit adolescence. It was abandonment issues on top of his non-existent sense of self-worth. It’s years of shitty foster parents telling him he wasn’t enough, on top of this screwed-up idea that he got in his head that as long as Isobel and I were okay then it didn’t matter how he was treated. It was years of one night stands that didn’t want anything to do with him in the morning... It was Caulfield. It was seeing his mother. It was losing his mother. It was losing everyone that could have told us about our origins. It was like… he was walking a brittle splintered bridge on the verge of collapse… and one after another, the foundation was shaken and the hits kept coming eventually…”

“It collapsed.”

“And Maria… she wasn’t just a ‘port in a storm’ she’s like… a beacon of light. His thing with her is special and pure, and she has nothing to do with all this  **_alien_ ** bullshit.” Max let out a flustered breath. “And then he got feelings for her, and he started trusting her, and he didn’t want to hide anymore. He was tired of not telling the truth to the ones he trusted, and the number of people he trusts could fit in a mini-van.”

Alex winced internally. “And he told her.”

Max nodded. “And she believed him. And she didn’t slap him.” He added with a rueful smile. “It was Kyle she slapped when he told her how long he knew. She may have also kneed me in the groin for making him go through so much alone.” He contemplated his lemonade for a second. “They aren’t dating anymore.”

“What?”

“Not dating. They’re well beyond dating.”

Alex couldn’t help but feel like the bottom fell out of his stomach.

“She’s his Secret Keeper. And she was worried that he would feel obligated to be with her because she keeps his secrets and confides in her. It’s one of his many  **_many_ ** issues. He gets it in his head that to keep people around he has to do things for them, or they leave.” He winced. “So they aren’t dating. But--”

“But?”

“She loves him? And he loves her… I mean.” Max sighed dramatically. “She’s not a shrink; she’s like a friggen Michael Guerin whisperer. She knows what he means when he can’t find the words and when he needs someone to vent to… she’s his person.” He grimaced. “And they still sleep together, occasionally.”

Alex looked at him incredulously. 

Max shrugged. “But by sleep, I mean literally sleep. They discovered that Michael sleeps better when he’s the big spoon.” Max shrugged. “Apparently holding onto her changes something.”

“His entropy,” Alex whispered, kissing the top of June Bugs head.

“His what?”

“When… in high school I once caught Michael with the band guitar and I took it back. I noticed the sleeping bag in the back of his truck and asked if the rumors were true. If he really did sleep in the back of his truck. He made some glib remark; asking if the rumors about me being true, but instead of rising to the bait I told him that there was a shed in the back of my property that I went to when things got too rough at the house.” He shrugged. “The next time it got really cold I found him in the shed. I brought my brothers’ guitar, and he said that when he played it changed his entropy. That everything in his head stopped when he was playing.”

He let out a shaky breath. “I could have helped him figure that out… if it weren’t for the fact that I’m so  **_fucking_ ** pig-headed.” He hissed.

Max put his hand on Alex’s arm before he could berate himself anymore. 

“I didn’t tell you this to make you brood.”

Alex gave him a look of both loss and confusion. “What I’m trying to say is that…” he let out a humorless laugh. “I’m trying to tell you that you have a second chance here. But…” he licked his lips impatiently. “Michael needs to be with someone on an even keel. I want him…” he paused. “I want you  **_both_ ** to have your heads on straight before this goes any further.” He drained his lemonade and poured himself another.

“This isn’t healthy for either you. And I’ll be honest, I’m glad you’re seeing a therapist. But there’s shit going on that you can’t tell a therapist. So you need to find someone to talk about it. Probably not me or Isobel; for obvious reasons. But Liz, or Kyle, I’d say June Bug; while I’m sure she’s a great listener, but unless she speaks English or is a telepath, she’s not going to give you the best advice ever.”

Alex smirked at that, looked down at June Bug and looked scandalized. “Did you hear that… he’s impugning your advice-giving skills.” June Bug let out a tiny howl and woof to the amusement of both men.

Max sobered quickly though. “I’m serious about you talking to someone about this… fucked up legacy that you’ve inherited. This isn’t something you should shoulder by yourself.”

Alex’s eye twitched a little at the mention of the family legacy. “You’re right.” He nodded to both himself and Max. “Do you think Kyle would--”

“Would what?” Kyle asked as he stretched and yawned in the doorway.

Alex and Max couldn’t help but chuckle at his bed head and rumpled shirt. Kyle scrubbed the sleep from his eyes and scowled at them. “I don’t appreciate being the butt of inside jokes. And why didn’t you wake me up when--”

“You looked exhausted… thought I’d be merciful and let you get some beauty sleep.” Max explained simply. “And you didn’t last until midnight. You obviously were tired and I thought it only polite to let you get some sleep.…”

“Asshole,” Kyle grunted as Alex handed him a glass of Lemonade.

“Your welcome.” Max smiled, before checking his watch. “Welp, I think I need to check in with Iz.”

Alex looked at him slightly panicked. 

“Where’s your phone?” Alex pointed to the counter and Max held out his and concentrated on it. It flew to his hand and both Alex and Kyle reared back slightly.

Max shrugged nonchalantly. “If I’m going to protect my planet from beings from the planet I was born on; I have to be stronger.”

He handed Alex the phone. “But I can’t unlock it.”

“Yet,” Kyle added.

“I’ll leave the hacking to Alex and Michael.” He turned to Alex. “I’m going to put my number in. If you need someone to talk to or text, I’m here for you. You don’t have to do this alone.”

Alex swallowed a lump in his throat as he unlocked his phone, pulled up his contacts, and handed it back to Max. Max entered his information and handed it back to him, causing Alex to chuckle enough to get June Bug’s attention. “Alien Emojis next to your name. Keeping it low-key I see.”

“I added Isobel’s as well. She might be a little prickly, but she’ll come around eventually.”

Alex nodded reluctantly. It would be awhile before texting Isobel anything, but it didn’t hurt to have an extra person to reach out to.

“I’ll text you in the morning…” he looked at his watch and his eyes widened. “A couple of hours now… Noon-ish?”

“Yeah… Uh… Max, thanks for everything…” he chuckled softly. “The food, the advice… I appreciate it.” He said, his throat tight with emotion.

“You’re welcome. If you need anything, you’ve got my number. Don’t hesitate.”

Alex nodded and watched Max leave.

Kyle plopped himself down in an empty chair. “So, what did I miss?” He asked as he rubbed his eyes.

Alex chuckled as he got up with the aid of his crutch; being sure to cradle June Bug so that she wouldn’t fall out from his shirt, and warmed up some stew.

“Hey,” Kyle protested weakly. “We’re supposed to be taking care of you here.”

Alex couldn’t help but shake his head. “Yes, and I appreciate it.”

“I mean, we did kinda trigger that panic attack,” Kyle muttered. “Sorry about that.”

Alex shrugged. “It was building up.” He paused, turning to Kyle, the bowl of stew in one hand while the other curled around his belly where June Bug now dozing, as he leaned against the counter top. “It was better to have it with people than to have it alone.” 

“It would have been better to not have it at all,” Kyle muttered ruefully.

Alex shrugged as he sat the stew down on the table and sat down again. “Sandpaper.”

“Hmm?” Kyle looked up, mouth full of stew.

“The sandpaper. The texture. I had a nightmare. June Bug woke me up, but the sandpaper helped ground me. Good touch.”

Kyle couldn’t help but blush. “Uh… you are welcome.”

Alex put his elbow on the table, crooked his elbow, rested his head against his fist and looked at him quizzically. “Max said that was all you. Made we wonder where you learned it.”

Kyle shrugged, face still burning. “Uh, after I learned about your accident I kinda did some research. PTSD; side effects, things it might cause, ways to mitigate it. Stuff about panic attacks and nightmares came up; read that having something tactile helped ground people.” He shrugged lamely.

“We weren’t even talking.” Alex couldn’t help but point out with a smile.

Kyle shrugged helplessly. “Look, someone, I knew from high school; who I was a complete dick too, that had once been my friend, went to war and came back a) a war hero and b) an amputee. I thought…” he couldn’t meet Alex’s eyes. “I thought that if I could make even the  _ tiniest  _ bit of amends for all the shit I put you through.” His voice grew tight. “It might be worth it.” He shook his head sharply, clearing his throat and took another bite of the stew. “So I bought some sandpaper.” He paused, chuckling softly. “It’s not like I did major research or discovered a cure. I just… I just wanted to be able to help.”

“I would say mission accomplished.” He paused. “I had a nightmare. It felt…” he shivered. “... so real. The desert heat, the sand… my dad screaming at me…” he gave a small shudder. “The sand was swallowing alive and all he could do was insult me… And then… there was something nibbling at my ear and wet on my neck. And when I reached out to hold onto something I felt something solid and rough and scratchy… and I could  **_feel_ ** it.” He paused. “It helped tether me. Anchored me. I was able to realize it was a dream. Between the two of you,” his eyes drifted to his sleeping June Bug, his hand reaching in and gently scratching the top of her head. She weakly pawed at him before settling down again. “Between the two of you I was able to wake myself up.” He kissed June Bugs head delicately. “Max helped me calm down and figure where I was. And we talked... a lot. More than I think I’ve said to him… ever.”

“About?”

“Mostly Michael. Trying to explain to me that Michael’s issues go deeper than any emotional turmoil that I’ve inflicted.”

“And?”

Alex let out a slow breath. “He convinced me that I need a Secret Keeper.”

Kyle looked at him blankly. 

“Did you seriously not read  **_any_ ** of the Harry Potter series?”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “Helloooo, I was busy being a self-centered jock for most of High School.”

Alex groaned dramatically. “Okay, I’m going to tell you what a Secret Keeper is, then you’re going to order the entire Harry Potter series and read them in between emergencies at the hospital.”

Kyle raised his eyebrow at that. “Okay, okay. I’ll read the damned books. Now, what does this entail?”

\-----------

(i’m sorry for spelling and grammar snafu’s. Last part is really the last part. Did I mention that this was supposed to be a one parter? LOLOL)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be the short chapter. LOLOLOL
> 
> this is the end. It's not perfect. I reserve the right to go back and mangle with it.

\--Several Days Later--

His shrink had suggested that he do some light exercise. Apparently getting out of his house and exercising might help alleviate some symptoms of anxiety and depression. According to some medical research a half an hour of exercise a day did wonders for you. So he was doing it. It also gave June Bug a chance to explore and mark her territory every five inches. And Kyle had said “Walking is good for your health too. Gets you out of this cabin. Maybe you could, you know, go buy some new curtains. No seriously, dude, this stuff is older than we are.”

He wasn’t sure if Kyle had meant it or if he was just trying to get him to laugh. Either way, it worked. (He also had a point about the curtains. So he had ended up buying some new stuff to make the cabin  _ his. _ )

So they started walking. Half an hour here, half an hour there. Sometimes when his brain started getting worked up he’d go for a small run just to make himself worry more about running into a tree rather than whatever had his mind racing at that particular moment. The runs were also on the small side because of his leg; it wasn't exactly meant for running. 

They were on said walk and were just coming around the corner to go back to the cabin when he saw a truck in his driveway and his heart skipped a beat. 

He knew whose truck it was. And he knew why they were there. But that didn’t stop his heart from racing or the fear that he had thought he’d overcome suddenly come rushing back. He slowly walked around the corner and saw them. His heart lurched and lifted all at the same time. 

He loved them so much. He wasn’t sure if he could survive losing them. They had been his lifeline, the only thing that had gotten him out of bed in the morning and kept him from running away or doing something stupid at night. He hadn’t told Kyle that. Kyle would have felt responsible. But it wasn’t bullying at school that almost had driven him to despair. He could handle school. School was a walk in the park. It was the abuse; physical, emotional and psychological, that he got from his own father that had almost driven him to the brink. 

But time and time again Maria and Liz would somehow intervene. A phone call late at night. A stone thrown at a window to get his attention. On one memorable occasion, Mimi DeLuca had shown up out of nowhere and informed his dad that “Alex is spending the night.” She had literally pulled him back from the precipice of despair.

The idea that he wouldn’t have them in his life anymore… it made him lightheaded.

As he came around the corner both women turned to him. Maria’s stern expression melted when she saw him hesitate. “Oh, honey.”

He stopped at the end of his driveway. He opened his mouth to say “Hi.” but the word came out choked and trembling. Closing his mouth he wrapped his arms around himself. He wasn’t strong enough for this. Not yet. He wanted to hold them close, and yet he wanted nothing more than to run away. He wanted to curl up into himself. He wanted to be stronger than this. He’d been to  **_war,_ ** goddammit. He’d survived getting almost blown up and this…  **_this_ ** was going to be his undoing?

Yeah, probably. 

He felt a sob rise in his throat, and he wanted to swallow it down so hard… but then he felt arms around his waist and a solid weight against his chest, and he all but came undone. 

He wrapped his arms around Liz Ortecho and held on for dear life. She didn't try to calm him and quiet him. She just held him, squeezed him and let him cling to her. She didn't let go, and she didn't pull away until his arms loosened. And even then she stayed close, her arms still around him, fingers interlocked behind his back as she leaned away, trying to look up at his face.

“We’re sorry it took us so long to come and visit you.” She whispered softly.

“No, no. I’ve needed the space, honestly.”

“You are a horrible liar.” She said, shaking her head.

His eyes trailed over to Maria; who hadn’t said a word.

Her eyes weren’t on either of them. Her hands were on her hips, and she was looking at the ground near his feet. His eyes traveled to where she was staring, and he jumped a little. 

“Oh, June Bug.” He exclaimed suddenly. June bug was growling at him, as she tugged at his pant leg, trying to get his attention. He let out a soft chuckle as he broke away from Liz to bend down and pick her up.

“A beagle??” Maria asked softly.

June Bug was nuzzling his neck, letting out little barks, nibbling at his ear and licking his neck to distract him; center him, bring him back down.

Alex chuckled softly, it was working, he was finding his center, but he still felt shaken. “Um… uh… my shrink said I needed companionship. Something to focus on besides my troubles. So I went to the pound and…” he laughed, his voice trembling. “They were leading her to the back to be euthanized and I--” he shrugged helplessly. “I… I…” his voice quivered. “I didn’t even realize that she was a beagle until I got home. I mean, I literally signed the papers, took her to the pet store for stuff and… didn’t even…”

Maria had her arms around him, her head resting on his shoulder before he realized it. “You’re rambling. You ramble when you’re anxious.” She said softly, as she stroked the beagles head.

“You’re not wrong.” He whispered softly, as he leaned into her touch.

Liz cleared her throat after a few moments. “We are kind of in the middle of the road.” 

He looked up. “Oh, yeah, lets… my cabin. I can show you my cabin.” He said as he reluctantly pulled away.

Both girls followed, but they kept their arms around his waist.

“The old Valenti Cabin?” Liz asked curiously.

“Uh… yeah. Sheriff Valenti… I mean… Kyle’s dad, left it to me in his will.” He sighed sadly. “I guess he wanted me to have a place to go to that wasn’t my dad’s.” Both girls cringed inwardly.

Liz gave the arm she was leaning against a squeeze. “He was a good man.” She said softly.

Maria gave his hip a gentle squeeze. “I always liked Mr. Valenti. Mimi wasn’t fond of his wandering eye… but she knew he had a good heart.”

“Yeah. You should see the inside. It’s just like what I remember… with a couple of exceptions.” They gave him a dubious look. “I’ll show it to you later. I’m too…”

Maria gave his arm another reassuring squeeze. “When the time comes, it comes.”

“C’mon. I wanna be nooooosey.” Liz said as she started to pull him inside.

Alex laughed and allowed her to pull him up the stairs and turned to see Maria getting a couple of bags out of the back of her truck.

As they entered the front door Liz pulled away. “Help yourself… I have to … take my prosthetic off.”

Liz found herself looking around the room and noticing a plethora of shopping bags around the room. Things he had obviously bought to make the house his own but hadn’t; for whatever reason, put out yet.

She turned to say something to him and noticed that he was struggling to get his prosthetic. “Are you okay?” She asked curiously.

“Yeah, stump just needs a little breather… slipped on our walk… kinda need to make sure I didn’t hurt myself.” He grunted as he rolled up his pant leg, pressed the release and slid his leg off. He rubbed his stump through the sleeve and grimaced. “Yeah, that’s gonna smarts for a couple of days.” He groaned inwardly. When he opened his eyes both Liz and Maria were standing over him with concerned looks on their respective faces. 

“I’m fine, really.” He said weakly.

“Liar.” 

“She’s a psychic, remember?”

“I’ve missed you guys.” He whispered, his voice caught in his throat.

“Oh, honey. We’ve missed you too.” Liz whispered kneeling beside the couch.

_ No,  _ he wanted to whisper.  _ It’s not the same.  _ He wanted to tell her. How do you tell someone that you’ve missed the way they smile. The way their nose crinkles when they laugh. He hadn’t had his two best friends in ten years. He  **_ached_ ** for them. Having them so close but yet so far away was physically painful sometimes. 

This was definitely something he needed to bring up to his shrink, but he’d be damned if he was going to get up and search for his journal right at this moment.

Liz must have noticed the uncertain look in his eyes because she moved to sit beside him and wrapped her arm around his waist and put her head on his shoulder. “I should have been a better friend.” She said softly, her voice caught in her throat. 

He reached out and took her free hand and brought it to his lips. Just as he was about to say something Maria walked away and back in a couple seconds later and set a couple of large paper shopping bags down. He looked at her and smiled sadly. “You’re not the only one that didn’t keep in touch.” He held out a hand for her, and she took it. He brought her fingers to his lips to kiss them delicately before holding it against his cheek. Maria sat down, carefully situating herself next to him and wrapped her free arm around him.

He leaned into their collective embrace as though they were the only keeping him from falling to pieces. Because, to him, they were. “When I left…” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “When  **_he_ ** shipped me off to basic before graduation… I thought… I thought…” his voice cracked. “I was…. I was terrified that he’d do something to someone that I loved if I didn’t do  **_exactly_ ** what he wanted. I thought that… it would just be better to cut everyone off. Less potential collateral damage.” He whispered into their hands as he kissed them once more.

Both women hugged him tightly from the side as he buried his face in their hands and sobbed. They rubbed him his back and whispered their love for him into his shoulder. They both slipped their hands up the back of his t-shirt and rubbed his back in a comforting manner and both were shocked at how stiff and tense his back muscles were and how he shivered at first contact.

_ Touch starved,  _ Maria thought to herself, followed by,  _ we’re idiots. _

“Okay. Liz, you keep Alex company and I’ll…”

“No!” Liz said suddenly, getting to her feet. “You’ve been taking care of … you’ve been taking care of everything  _ else _ . I get to take charge this time.” 

Maria couldn’t argue with that. While she hadn’t been alone with helping Michael, she certainly had been in charge when he hit his low points and no one else knew what to do. Even though she wasn’t versed in it or any kind of practitioner, she’d known more than the rest of them.

Liz gave Alex’s hand one last squeeze, kissed him on the cheek and stood up. “You keep him and June Bug company and show him Mimi’s goody bags. While I warm up the food Papi sent.”

“He sent your favorite. Mint Saucer Shake with extra crunchy mystery fries.” Maria whispered conspiratorially, and smiled inwardly when his pupil dilated a little at the mention of his favorite food.

“He also sent your favorite fajitas and a basket of deep-fried stuffed jalapeños.”

His belly rumbled enough that June Bug, who had once more wiggled her way into his shirt, gave a small bark and pawed at his belly.

“I--I guess I’m hungrier than I thought I was.” He said chuckled softly, as he scratched June Bugs head through the shirt and looked away bashfully. When he thought about it, he wasn’t exactly sure when he had had a proper meal. Kyle brought dinner most nights, but other than that…. He really needed to pay more attention to that kind of stuff.

Maria squeezed his arm and looked at him with concern in her eye.

“Right, heating up food in the oven.” Liz said softly. “And while we wait, Maria will go through your Mimi bag and I’ll go through…” she motioned to the bags around the living room. “These bags, if that’s okay with you.”

He nodded, his mouth feeling dry. He kept on meaning to go through the bags. He had bought them for a reason. He wanted to make the cabin more than just the “Valenti Cabin”. He wanted to make it  **_home._ ** His  **_Home._ **

“Yeah, yeah. Uh, that would be great, Liz. Thanks.”

Maria playfully bumped his shoulder and got him to smile as he rocked back and forth. “Let’s see what we’ve got here.” She said as she untangled her hand from his to grab the bag in front of them, but still managed to keep her other arm around him, palm firmly placed on his back.

The first item she pulled out had her snorting under her breath. Alex looked up tentatively. He chuckled softly. “A dog collar…”

“Oh for pity's sake.”

“What?”

“There’s a dog tag…  _ June Bug.” _

Alex snorted softly at that.

“And  _ dog treats? _ ” She exclaimed softly, but with great exasperation.

June Bug heard the T-word, wiggled up the front of Alex’s V-neck t-shirt, peeked out, letting out a small ‘arf’ wiggled back down, crawled out from the inside of his shirt, turned around, jumped back into his lap and sat daintily on his knees.

She looked at the treats and gave the tiniest  _ “Arf”  _ She sat on her hindquarters, pawed at the air before sitting back and looking up at her expectantly.

“Has she--”

“No, that’s definitely new.” He chuckled softly. “Go ahead and give it to her.” He whispered as he kissed the top of her head. “She’s earned all the treats, isn’t that right girl?” He asked, leaning down a little and June Bug reciprocated by bouncing up and licking his nose.

Maria daintily gave June Bug the treat, and they sat in companionable silence for a second as Maria absentmindedly fiddled with the contents of the bag. A couple of candles, a scarf in Alex’s favorite color (dark green). They stayed silent for a long while and then spoke at once.

“I just wanted to say. I’m sorry”

“I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry.” 

They looked at each other and confused.

“You’re sorry?” Maria shook her head. “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things to you, I shouldn’t have blamed you for everything. I shouldn’t have barred you from the bar. And most definitely shouldn’t have hit you.” She said softly, her voice quivering with sincerity. “God, what was I thinking when I hit you?”

“Probably that I deserved it… because I kinda did.”

Maria shook her head. “No. You didn’t… I don’t… I don’t know how to explain it. When Michael told me the truth about himself, the twins, everything…” she shook her head sadly. “It seemed like so much. Too much. And he just takes it, like  **_deserves_ ** it and… and …” She shook her head sharply. “He doesn’t blame you. Gods, he doesn’t blame anyone.” She let out a derisive snort. “He probably blames himself… he’s good for that.”

She took her hand out of the bag and took both of his hands into hers. “But that doesn’t justify going off on you. And then not  **_checking_ ** in on you for the next several weeks.” She shook her head sharply. “I’ll be kicking myself for the next good long while.”

He took her hands and kissed her fingers reverently. “Don’t…. Don’t do that. I… you made several good points that day. And…” he swallowed hard. “I-- I didn’t think he was my ‘dirty little secret’ but the more I think about it, the more I look back at it… I did. I treated him like crap. Even after he told me about what he’d been through and how all it mattered was that Max and Isobel were set for life; like his well-being didn’t matter… I knew all that… and I still played right into all of his worst insecurities.”

He shook his head sharply. “I’m, I know that I’m not the only one that hurt him; but the way I treated him.” He scoffed bitterly. “Like I knew he’d wait for me. Back and forth, to and fro. I’d blow him off and then show up at the Airstream… and he’d let me.” He groaned. “And then I’d leave in the middle of the night. Why!?  **_Why_ ** did I leave in the middle of the night? I’ve gone over it inside my head over and over…” he squeezed Maria’s hand sharply. “I don’t know why I left. I don’t. I really don’t. Like, did I think it would hurt him _ less  _ if he didn’t have to say goodbye? Did I think that it would be less un _ forgivable _ ?” He kissed her hand again. “I-- I’m not the only one responsible for the mess inside Michael’s head. But I played my part.” He shook his head ruefully. 

He swallowed hard against the lump in his throat as Maria handed him some incense that Mimi had packed for him (his favorite scent; pine). “Can I ask you how he’s doing?” He asked softly.

Maria looked up and made eye contact with Liz as she returned with the food. Both women shared a look, each wincing a little.

“Is it that bad?” He asked, his voice small and timid.

“No, no. It’s just--”

“It’s not our story to tell. We’re working on consent and autonomy. Letting him have control over his own narrative.” Liz said as she took her spot next to him and handed him some newly warmed curly fries. (He had no clue how Arturo made curly fries that still tasted good re-warmed, but some secrets were best kept.)

Alex wasn’t hungry per se, but his stomach growled at the scent and when he started eating he felt better. 

Maria nodded as she sipped her milkshake. 

“It’s not our story to tell.” She said after she put the drink down and grabbed for a quesadilla, “But he’s doing…” she paused. “... better.”

Alex wasn’t sure how he felt about that pause...

Liz looked at him thoughtfully. “How much did Max tell you?”

Alex shook his head. “Nothing. Honestly. Nothing. All he said was that Michael was in a bad place and that his presence would have been more of a hindrance than a help. That’s it. That’s all he told me.” He seemed frustrated at this. “Look, I just want to know if he’s okay.”

Both women nodded. “He’s okay.”

“He’s working on okay.” They said at the same time.

“He’s a work in progress.” Maria said after a second.

“Aren’t we all?” Liz said wistfully.

Alex groaned into his shake.

“No, seriously Alex. He’s doing okay. He’s working on himself, and we’re working on him. Taking one day at a time, one problem at a time.”

“He’s got a support system now, and he knows it.”

“And he’s got the group chats, yes plural, to prove it.”

Alex let out a little chuckle. “Good, I’m glad.” He paused, inhaling sharply. “I’ve been so scared.” He admitted softly. “I… I thought I lost you.” His voice trembled. “I thought that I lost you both… and it, it was almost my undoing.” His voice trembled. “I… I had a panic attack. Did… Did they…”

“No, they didn’t.” 

“Max wouldn’t tell us something like that unless you wanted him too.”

Alex deflated in relief and almost immediately felt himself being held up by two sets of concerned hands holding him up and leaning him back against the couch cushions. 

“Alex?”

“Alex!”

He felt their hands on his face and reached up to put his hands on their respective arms. “I’ve… They were talking... And they said that you were his  _ person.”  _ His voice cracked a tiny bit. “And I… I got so scared. I thought. I thought that I’d lost you… lost you both. That you would  **_hate_ ** me for… for everything and… and… I couldn’t… I couldn’t … I couldn’t breathe. I… I had a panic attack and Kyle had to give me my anxiety meds and … and all I could think about was…” tears welled up in his eyes. 

“For so long, you two were all I had and the idea that I’d lost that. That, that my own arrogance and... and hubris and… that I had been the reason that I lost the two most important people in my life. I… I almost didn’t survive high school… if it hadn’t been for you two and you two and Mimi and…”

Maria put a finger to his lips and whispered. “Ssh. We’re right here. And you haven’t lost us. We’re always going to be here. Because that’s what we do. That’s what we always do.”

His eyes welled with tears.

“Do you need to take your anxiety meds?”

He nodded his head timidly. “Half of one… there’s a pill-splitter in the draw under the cabinet with them.”

Liz leaped to her feet. “Got it.” She said as she dashed into the kitchen.

“We’ve got you Alex. It’s going to be okay.”

“Don’t leave… please don’t go.”

“Ssssh, we’re right here. And we’re going to stay right here. You’re going to take your meds and take a lil nap and when you wake up it will be right next to us. Okay?”

Alex nodded his head and lo0ked up expectantly when Liz came back holding a small split pill in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Liz gave him a reassuring smile as she knelt in front of him. “Say ‘ah’.”

He loved Liz; especially when she was being silly. He put his hand out for the meds, and she frowned but gave it to him anyway. He took the pill, swallowed it, chased with the glass of water and almost immediately fell against Maria dead asleep. 

Both women looked at each other, startled. “That shouldn’t have--”

“Give me that prescription bottle,” Maria said suddenly. “I’m calling that doctor and having a word with them. That shouldn’t have put him out like that.” 

Liz ran back to the kitchen and brought her the bottle, and she got out her phone. 

\------

The first thing Alex felt when he started to awakened was a warm pressure against his chest. June Bug. It took him a second realize he was on his couch, and another to remember why he was there and what had transpired.

Inwardly he groaned and June Bug started licking his ear. Which meant she was next to his head, which meant… He looked down and saw that Liz was the weight against his chest. He lazily lifted his hand to caress her hair and kissed the top of her head. He felt fingers going through his hair and turned his head up and smiled lazily at Maria. “Sorry.” He whispered sleepily.

“Don’t apologize, Alex. You’ve had a rough couple of weeks. You’ve both had a r0ugh couple of weeks, honestly.” She whispered back as she combed her fingers through his hair. “Recovery is a journey, not a race.” She paused. “I called your shrink.” She said softly. “They said they forgot that you might have a lower tolerance for these kinds of meds. Your next script will be the lowest possible dosage. Only take half. It should make you drowsy, Alex, not knock you out like you went up against Tyson.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it.” He spoke softly but Liz stirred and sat up slowly.

“Oh goody. You’re awake.” She yawned sleepily. 

“How are you feeling.”

He wanted to say ‘good’, but he was talking to a psychic… “Better, I think. A lil shaky… A lot sweaty….” He hated that part of panic attacks. That feeling like he ran a marathon when he hadn’t.

“Yeah, you definitely need to shower. Then maybe we eat?” Maria offered as moved and Alex sat up on his own. June Bug wiggled until she freed herself of the couch and trotted out of the room.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Hey, while you are in the shower would you be okay with Maria and I put out some of the stuff you bought?” Liz asked as she stood up and straightened her clothes. 

“That would actually be great, Liz. Thanks.” He looked at his prosthetic but realized it would be pointless to put it on and take it off five seconds later.

“Do you--” Maria’s question was cut off abruptly as June Bug came back into the room, trotting towards them with a length of rope in her mouth. It took Maria a second to realize that the length of rope was actually attached to something: Alex’s crutch.

She glanced at Alex and was rewarded with a brilliant smile. “That’s m’girl.” He chuckled at June Bug strutted around the coffee table and up to the side of the couch. “That’s my girl, such a good girl.” He cooed, scratching her head as he took the string from her mouth and grabbed his crutch.

Maria nudged the dog treats towards Alex and he did a double take as he had forgotten that they were there. Alex smiled as he grabbed one and offered it to June Bug with a head pat.

“She’s really good at retrieving things.” Maria said with a smile.

Alex couldn’t help but chuckle. “Not really. Just my crutch.” He held out his crutch. She couldn’t help but chuckle at the various teeth and bit marks in the soft seams of the aluminum crutch. “She’s the crutch keeper. When all else fails I can look in her crate and find my crutch.” He said with a wide smile. 

“That’s seriously adorable.” Liz said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, yeah it is.” He agreed with a smile. He stood up with the crutch and looked at June Bug sternly. “You’re in charge until I get back. Make sure they don’t throw away anything important.”

June Bug sat down and raised her paw into air, almost as if she were saluting. She turned around, jumped up onto the recliner, laid down, crossed her front paws and sat her head on the cushion and eyed the girls intently.

All three shared a look.

June Bug let out a small ‘wuff’ and they all chuckled.

Liz and Maria waited until they heard the click of the bathroom lock before diving for the shopping bags. The cabin was too dark and stuffy for either of their liking.

“Oooh,” Liz cooed. “He found some good drapes and pillows.” 

Maria pulled out of some of the things her mother had packed in the bag. “And gee, they all match the stuff Mimi sent along.”

“You say that like it surprises you.” Liz countered as she started taking off the old curtains. “Oh, and look at all this natural light.” She whispered. “He can mute it by turning the blinds down if he wants.”

“He definitely needs more light.” Maria agreed as she replaced the ancient afghan on the back of the couch with an emerald green one her mother had included in the bags. She fluffed the matching emerald green with turquoise accented pillows and lay out a softer lighter turquoise colored throw blanket over the back of the chair that June Bug was sitting it. She turned around, sniffed it, before circling three times and laying against it.

“Aw, I believe we have her approval.” She said as she lightly scratched her head.

\----------

Alex hadn’t thought he was in the shower for that long, he really hadn’t. When he got out he decided against putting his leg back on because his stump really did ache from where his foot had landed wrong on their hike earlier. He dried his hair and toweled off before getting dressed in a fresh set of clothing that didn’t have the stink of panic attached to it. 

He always felt better after a change of clothes after a panic attack; not that he made it a point to have them, or that they happened often. It just felt food to wear clean clothing after something intense like that.

He slipped on a graphic tee that Kyle had brought him as a gag but that he ended up wearing it un-ironically. It had C3P0 holding out his detached hand and offering it too Luke with the caption “Do you need a hand, Master Luke?” It was his own damned fault for matching him watch the movies. The amount of stupid references Kyle made was enough to make him both groan and laugh at the same time.

He stopped and looked at his reflection. It was something that Kyle told him to do because the day that he and Max had come to his house. Kyle had said ‘You looked like death warmed over. You’re not allowed to freak me out like that.’ So he had started to pay attention to his appearance, and he had to admit to himself, the first couple of days he had looked rough. The skin around his eyes had been the worst. Even to himself they looked… haunted. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to look haunted. And he didn’t want to feel haunted. And he was strong enough in his own masculinity to admit that he had ordered some face creams online and that they had helped. 

He didn’t want to look like death warmed over. Not for Michael. For himself. 

He combed his fingers through his still damp hair and gave his reflection a nod before grabbing his crutch and walking out to the living room. 

He came to an abrupt stop. 

He was pretty sure it was physically impossible to get lost walking out of a bathroom with only one door. But he was also pretty sure that this wasn’t his living room. Because, first of all, there was not that much natural light in his living room, and second of all the room was so bright and inviting. 

But then he saw June Bug dozing softly on his recliner… It brought tears to his eyes.

“Do you like it?” Liz asked, walking up to him. “It’s not too much is it?”

He shook his head. “No, no. It’s… It’s great. What did you do with--” He turned his head and found Maria at the door, dusting off her hands after putting some bags next to the entrance.

“I don’t know if I should donate them to the Smithsonian, donate them to Good Will, or burn them in effigy.” She said as she walked over to them. “I’ll settle on taking them to my place, attempting to wash them in the washer, and if they don’t disintegrate, I’ll take em to a homeless shelter.”

Alex nodded, as he felt a prickle in his eye. “Thanks, I mean it. I… I didn’t realize…”

“How dark, depressing, drab, dank and dreary your house looked?” Maria offered with a playful knock to his arm.

He couldn’t help but chuckle though. “Thank you, Maria for putting it so succinctly.” He said with a smile.

“I didn’t know it could be so--”

“Bright?”

“Yeah… a lil too bright.” He added as an after thought. 

“Told ya.” Maria teased softly.

“You can fix that.” Liz pointed out as she walked over to the offending light source and tugged at the blind. “See, and if that’s too much, you can close them all the way. They are that eclipse brand, so it’s nice and dark for you too…” she coughed a little. “Brood.”

Alex rolled his eyes a little at that. “Haha, very funny.”

A timer dinged in the kitchen and Liz clapped her hands. “Time to  _ eat.” _

Alex turned to Maria sharply. “I didn’t think I was in there that long.”

Maria could only shrug. “This is Liz. She can redecorate, heat up lunch, and write a dissertation at the same time.”

Alex couldn’t argue with her on that. He followed food her into the kitchen and they both sat down at the table where Liz had the papi had made for them. Alex sat down and his mouth started to water. It all smelled so good. 

“Dig in!” Liz said as she pushed a plate of Alex favorite foods towards him.

And he did. And he groaned in a ridiculous manner that was almost embarrassing. He blushed hard when Liz and Maria stared at him.

“Sorry, sorry… I just… food hasn’t been…”

“Tasting right?” Maria offered softly. Alex nodded, feeling both relieved and embarrassed at the same time.

“It’s a side effect of depression.” Liz said as Maria rubbed his back in a circular soothing motion. “So is loss of appetite.” As if on cue his stomach rumbled.

They all laughed a little at that.

“Looks like your anxiety was getting the better of you. Maybe seeing us helped a little?” She offered as her fingers played with the short hairs at the nape of his neck. He seemed to lean into her touch and Maria found herself hugging him from the side and kissing his shoulder tenderly. “We’re not gonna let that happen again. Shouldn’t have left you hanging, Alex.”

“It’s a two-way street, Maria. I’m a big boy. I could have reached out. I should have reached out… I just....” He said as his hand grasped her arm and he leaned into her embrace.

“We know, Alex. But as your best friends, we should have done better. There won’t be a second time, we promise.” Liz said softly as she reached across the table and held his free hand. He opened his hand to accept hers and gave it a firm squeeze. It was the most grounded to terra firma than he had felt in a long time, maybe even years.

Eventually they released him and he dug into the food. And he really dug in. At a certain point when he was fit to burst he stopped and rest, laying his head down on his kitchen table and groaning loudly.

He looked up and saw the Liz and Maria were sharing a conspiratorial look. He moaned and hid his face in his arms. “What now??”

“We just want you to be comfortable before you slip into a food coma.” Liz said as she came around the table and helped him to his feet. Maria came on the other side and helped guide him back to the couch.

He looked up at them almost fearfully as Liz placed a blanket over him and put a pillow behind his head. “Should I be concerned? And please don’t look at each other, it really doesn’t help my anxiety.” He added quickly.

They raised an eyebrow but didn’t turn to look at each other.

“It’s Michael.”

“It’s not bad.” Liz added quickly.

“No, it’s not. It’s why he’s not been out to see you.”

“It’s also why  **_we_ ** haven’t been out here to see you until now.” Liz added softly.

“He’s okay, we promise. He’s just…” Maria paused, trying to think of the best word.

“He’s tinkering.”

Maria shot her a look.

“Well, it kinda is tinkering.”

Maria sighed heavily. “She’s not wrong, he is tinkering. And we’ve been keeping up with him and making sure he does those important things.”

“You know, the little things: eat, sleep, shower, come up for air occasionally.”

Maria grimaced a little. “But he’s okay, he’s just… super concentrated on the task at hand.”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “If you’re watching out for him… whose watching out for him right no w.”

“Mimi and Max.”

“Max is watching over, Mimi is distracting him; which is good. Max is being the responsible one and Mimi occasionally shoves peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in his face and orders him to eat it.”

“Our point is, that the project is almost done.”

“Give it a day or two.”

Maria looked off to the side and nodded. “Two days tops. He wants to talk to you. But…”

“Just believe us, Alex. He’s wanted to come to you for days. He just… He’s getting himself together.”

Alex nodded, but he was drowsy. Food coma was a thing and it was happening to him.

Maria smiled softly and tucked him in. June Bug, sensing the shift in the room jumped up onto the couch curled up against his chest.

Liz gave him a tight hug and kissed his cheek. “Text me. Call me. I don’t care what time, Alex. I mean it. I’m going to be a better friend.” She whispered into his ear.

He wanted to say ‘thank you’ but found himself to choked up to utter the words. Instead, he nodded his head and squeezed her hand.

Liz left the room and Maria took her spot sitting on the edge of the couch. “I love you.” She said softly. “I love you both. And I need you both. And I need you to forgive me. I know… please Alex, I need you to forgive me in your own way in your own time. You might say you forgive me now, but would you really feel it?”

Alex couldn’t help but see her point there.

“Sleep on it. Then we can talk, okay?”

He nodded, getting drowsier by the second. As Maria stood up, he called out to her. “Thank you, Maria… for… well…”

“Don’t thank me, Alex. That’s what friends are for.” She said with a smile as she grabbed the bags by the door and headed out. She did stick her head back in for a second to call out. “Kyle’s getting off earlier than expected and bringing pizza. Sleep well, Alex.”

_ Sleep well.  _ He thought to himself with a smirk. Gods that sounded like such a good idea.

\-----

(NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST AND WILL BE THE SHORTEST I SWEARS! THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A ONE SHOT FFS)

  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SO GUESS WHO LOST AN ENTIRE FANFIC CHAPTER AND DIDN'T REALIZE TILL SEVERAL HOURS LATER ... IT ME!!!!

Maria had been right, Kyle did get off earlier than expected and had shown up with Pizza. Kyle had given him the stink eye for sleepily answering the door with. “I’d been expecting. Maria said you was getting off early.”

But they weren’t going to argue over whether psychics were an actual thing.

They had eaten, and gods that Pizza had tasted so good. Afterwards, Kyle had noticed the living room’s decor shift and made a comment about wishing the girls had de-aged the bedroom; which he was sure still had his parent’s old ass furniture in it. 

Alex was about to defend it when Kyle took the dinner plates into the kitchen and did a double-take.

“Ha HA! God bless those girls!” He called out as he darted down the hallway and came back holding up 4 paper mall shopping bags.

Alex groaned into his hands as Kyle opened the bags and pulled out new pillowcases, a new duvet, a quilt and… “is this a matching pillow for June Bug?!” Kyle exclaimed as he pulled out a pillow that not only matched the rest of the set but looked to fit her crate exactly.

“Liz must have snuck that in while Maria and I were talking before I fell into food coma.” He groaned into his hands.

“This is AWESOME!” Kyle exclaimed. “I’m gonna change this shit out.”

“No, Kyle…”

Kyle paused. “You don’t… Look, I know you military types are known to be hard asses that can sleep on a bed of glass with a rock pillow…”

Alex groaned. “I’m in the Air Force, you’re thinking of the Marines.” He said pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Is it because you don’t want me in your room?” He hedged.

Alex rolled his eyes at him, got up from his spot at the table with his crutch and dramatically took one of the bags off the table. “I wanted a head start.” His growled with a snicker before racing off, as fast as he could with his crutch, down the hall.

It took a couple of seconds for Kyle to realize what he had said, but when he did he grabbed the other bag and raced down the hall after him. “You little shit.” He growled and he could hear Alex laughing.

It hadn’t taken them long to redo the room. The duvet, pillows, dog pillow and even the curtains underneath it all were the right sizes. Alex was splayed out on his new duvet, June Bug was enjoying new comfy pillow in her crate, and Kyle was straightening out the curtains.

“Soooo…” Alex said lazily. “Are you gonna argue with me the existence of psychics… or…”

Kyle turned at rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay, maybe Mimi is psychic. Maybe she just *knows* things.” He said with a roll of his shoulders. “I’m a man of science. Psychic’s don’t make scientific sense.” He said with a shrug.

“Like aliens?”

Kyle rolled his eyes as he turned around. “Especially aliens. Especially the angst-y angry curly-haired cowboy ones with brains as big as the chip on their shoulder.”

Alex put his hand over his heart. “I feel called out.”

Kyle was about to say something more but when he looked at Alex he was stifling a yawn. “Okay, it looks like its bedtime for you, so I’m going to head out.”

“No, no, I’m good for a couple of hours.”

“No, no you’re not.” Kyle said matter-of-factly, as he pulled back the duvet and Alex climbed under. He had already changed into those ridiculous pajama pants with the guitars on them.  _ Nerd.  _ “You’ve had a rough day. You’ve had an emotional day. You got your two best friends back and you ate more food today than you probably have since… I don’t know… since you got back to town.”

Alex snorted into his arm as he readjusted his pillow. “Are you saying I'm fat?”

“I am not saying your fat. I’m saying that I’ve spent the last week with you and you’ve picked at everything you’ve eaten like a bird. And tonight you finished off half a thick crust pan pizza with the zeal I’m sure Italian Mothers everywhere would have taken pride in.”

“Shu’up Kyle.” Alex said, his voice muffled by his pillow.

“But seriously, Alex. Do you feel better?” He asked softly.

Alex stilled for a second. “Yes,” he said softly; as if exhaling a held breath.

“Good, then it’s a start. I’ll take care of the clean up and the lights. I’ll just….” his voice trailed off as he heard soft snores coming from the bed.

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “I’ll take care of the lights too.” As he flipped the switch and closed the door.

\------

The next morning Alex was up with the birds and feeling more like himself than he had in… ages. He felt refreshed and his stump didn’t hurt anymore, so he was able to put his prosthetic back on. He made himself an omelet, got June Bug her breakfast, looked outside and realized… he needed to re-stack his woodpile… and he had the energy to do it. And once he got outside he saw the entire area needed to be tidied up. 

He let June Bug out and started re-stacking the wood piles; which oddly looked like they had grown. He wouldn’t have put it past Kyle to have chopped wood while he been at his shrink or taking one of his many ‘naps’ in the last week.

With a roll of his eye Alex turned on his playlist and started re-stacking the wood a little closer to his backdoor.

He hadn’t been at it long before phone let out a tone indicating that he had a text. Grabbed his phone and saw the text read simply.  **_Isobel: incoming._ ** Within seconds later he heard the tale tell sounds of a car pulling up. That and June Bug came rushing up to where he was moving the wood pile and started raising a racket.

He called out to her when she started racing towards the stylish SUV rolling down his driveway.

Isobel pulled up, rolled down her window and stuck out her head. “Aren’t there leash laws in this town?”

“Ha ha, very funny. She doesn’t bite. Hell, she even licked Max and hasn’t fallen ill…”

“Yet.”

“Yet.” He agreed with a slight nod. “Can I ask--”

“No, I’d rather you not.” She cut him off as she opened the door of her SUV and closed it behind her. “Don’t worry, he’s fine. I’m actually here on the behests of Mimi DeLuca. She’s basically become Michael’s fairy god mother.” She said as she opened the back door. “She asked me to bring you a gift.” She paused before letting out a soft grunt. “I might actually need your help with this.” 

Alex walked up to her as fast as he could and took the item out of her hand with a grunt.

“It’s a weighted blanket.” She said as thought the weight weren’t self-explanatory. “She bought one online and there was a two for one deal. Sooo…” She didn’t have to say who she ordered it for. “And she asked me bring it to you.” She huffed. “Don’t know why… not like I’ve been itching to check up on you or anything.” She said but her voice lacked conviction. 

He looked up from the package and noticed that Isobel was giving him a once over.

“I’m fine. I’m fine, really.”

“Says the man that’s been MIA for the past month.” Isobel said with a tilt of her head.

“Hey, I’ve- I’ve been in town… recently.” He added, as he shifted the blanket from one are to the other.

“Yes, recently.” She cocked her head to the side. “You look better than what I was expecting to be honest.”

“Yes, well that’s a more recent development as well. Not to mention it’s probably the best I’ve looked in the last month too.” He said with a saccharin sweet smile.

Isobel nodded. “Good. I mean…”

“I know what you mean.” He stopped her from being further flustered.

“Look”

“Look--”

They both gave a chuckle.

“Can I ask you--”

“Better… he’s doing better… why what have you--”

Alex groaned inwardly. “Nothing. No ones told me anything, Isobel.”

Isobel nodded her head. “Good. We’re teaching him about consent and autonomy and taking control of his own narrative.” She said with a pleased expression on her face.

He nodded. “That, that I was told.”

Isobel smiled at him, this time more sincerely. “I’m glad you are feeling better, Manes. Now, I need to go before I start smelling…” she gestured her hand in his general direction. Alex looked down and realized he was kinda gross and sweaty. “... like a mountain man.”

He chuckled at that. “Yikes, didn’t realize I’d been out here that long.” He said as he swiped at his own forehead. He started back towards the house with the blanket under his arm. About half-way to the cabin he stopped because he realized that he hadn’t heard Isobel leave.

She hadn’t. She was still standing there, with her drivers side door open, inspecting her nails. But the expression on her face, even downturned, read much deeper.

“Isobel-”

“Be careful, Manes.” She said softly, when she realized he was looking at her. “He should be done later today. He’ll probably be by tomorrow, first thing. Before noon even.” 

She paused, gathering her thought. “Just be careful.” She scrunched her face as though frustrated with her own words. “I’m not saying he’s weak--”

“Vulnerable. He’s vulnerable. Being vulnerable doesn't mean being weak.” He smiled sadly. “Shrink taught me that.” He said as he tapped the side of his head.

“Just… be careful. You’ve both been through enough.” She let out a pitiful sigh. “And now that I’m on actual speaking terms with Maria; I’d really hate to have to get inside your head and nuke your brain.”

Alex let out a bark of a laugh. He hadn’t known that Isobel Evans was capable of such dry wit.

Also, it felt good to laugh.

He nodded. “Well, I’m rather fond of my grey matter right where it is, thank you very much.” He smiled again. “I promise, Isobel. For both his sake and my own, I’m not going to fuck this up.”

Isobel seemed to deflate in little at that. “Good. Take care of yourself, Manes.” She paused and smirked. “You don’t seem like a half bad person.” She turned to get into her SUV but paused. “Oh, and you can text me. But....” she hesitated.

“I promise you, I won’t drunk text you.” 

She raised an eyebrow but seemed to get the underlying meaning. Isobel wasn’t exactly in tune with the emotions of anyone that wasn’t Michael or Max. According to Kyle she was spending more time at the Wild Pony with Maria and Liz. Roswell’s resident Ice Queen was thawing. But she still had a two blind spots the size and shape of Max Evans and Michael Guerin.

“Don’t be stranger, Alex.” She called out as she started her SUV. “Liz and Maria aren’t quite ‘moping’ yet… emphasis on yet. It wouldn’t hurt for you to make an appearance now and again.” She hesitated before loudly adding. “And if it looks like he’s giving your house the once over… it’s because he is!”

He was about to say something back to her but she was already driving off, flashing a peace sign as she rounded the corner.

June Bug ran after her SUV barking all the way and didn’t come back until she was all the way back on the main road.

When she came trotting back to him she looked quite pleased with herself. “That’s a good girl. You show that mean girl who's the boss.” He chuckled as he reached down to pat her head and scratch behind her ear.

_ Personal growth is a journey, not a race.  _ His shrinks voice rang in his head. And some journeys were longer than others he reckoned.

“I’m going to shower and then we’re going to look at this gift Mimi gave us.“

June Bug gave an enthusiastic bark and followed him through the door that Alex kept open.

\----

It was almost mid-afternoon by the time he was done showering and had eaten a sufficient enough early dinner to sate the hunger that come from many hours work. He sat down on the couch and looked at the blanket. He had heard things about weighted blankets, but he wasn’t sure if he believed in the science behind it. As he unfolded it to give it a look a piece of paper.

He grabbed the paper thinking it were care instructions, but when he unfolded it he was struck by the sight of a very familiar handwriting.

_ Alex, _

_ I bought this blanket because I heard that they help people with anxiety get a more restful sleep. If there is anyone in Roswell that deserves to have a good nights rest it’s you. _

_ Maybe once you’re well rested you can stop by the Pony and I’ll make you your favorite dinner, just for you. _

_ Rest Easy _

_ Mimi DeLuca _

_ PS; he’ll be there at about 8:30 am. He’s taken to liking getting an early start to a days work. _

He couldn’t help but chuckle at the note. He loved Mimi. She had been the only adult he trusted when he was younger; well her and Mr. Artecho. She had looked after him in ways that he couldn’t quite put into words. That she still cared for him now, after all this time… it made his eyes well up and his throat close up. 

His mood must have shifted because June Bug was nuzzling his hands, trying to get into his lap. He moved his hands and she curled up in his lap with her head on his chest looking up at him intently.

“Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. I’m just going to text Kyle for a rain check on dinner tonight so that we can get a good nights sleep.” He paused. “I mean, if that’s aright with you.” She tilted her head and gave a little wuff of approval.

“I’m so glad we see eye-to-eye on these things.” He cooed into her head after he kissed her crown. He texted Kyle and then took to bed. 

\----

Waking up at 5 o’clock in the morning feeling well rested and ready to go would be great… if you didn’t know you had three and a half hours before one of the most important people in your came rolling up.

He worried. 

He sat in his bed, with his weighted blanket surrounding him, watched the sunrise, and worried.

Eventually his racing thoughts drove him to take a long hot shower just so that the roaring of water would drown out the self-doubt filled whispers.

When he got out of the shower and walked into the kitchen with his bathrobe on and his hair still dripping wet he saw that June Bug was waiting for him in a chair. She didn’t look happy about it. But she was waiting for him. 

“Sorry, June Bug. Just had to get out of my own way.” He whispered as he leaned down to kiss her head. 

She weakly wuffed at him before going to her food bowl.

He made himself a cheesy omelet with a couple sides of bacon and a glass of orange juice. He wasn’t going to watch the news or read the paper; the new was always just depressing and he wanted to be in a good mood today.

After breakfast, he took his weighted blanket and sat on the porch swing until he started to feel antsy. He folded the blanket on the swing and decided it would be a smart to take June Bug for a walk in the woods behind his house. Maybe if she ran around she wouldn’t bark so much at Michael. He chuckled to himself. “You’ve done a really good with two of the three aliens. If you could do me a favor and not bite or piss on the third, I’ll give you extra treats for a month.” 

June Bug stopped sniffing a tree and looked up at him expectantly.

Alex let out a snort of a laugh. “I hope your not recording this future use.”

She  _ wuffed  _ at him before taking off like a bolt back up to the house.

His heart jumped to his throat. Unless the mailman was extra early… 

“Junieeee!” He called out weakly.  _ Please don’t bite him.  _ **_Please_ ** _ don’t bite him.  _

He came around the back of his house and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. 

Michael’s truck was pulled up in his driveway and Michael was sitting in the drivers seat but looking down at June Bug who was standing on her hind legs with front legs on the side of the drivers side door. She was looking at Guerin and intermittently wuffing and wooing at him.

“June Bug!” He called out.

She just turned her head and he swore she smiled at him.

Michael looked up too.

“Nice dog.” He said.

“Thanks… she’s harmless. I promise.” He paused. “She’s okay, Michael. You won’t hurt her, I promise.”

“You sure about that?” He asked, as he let one arm dangle out of his window, just out of her reach. She playfully jumped and nipped at it.

“She licked Max’s hand and didn’t turn into a frog or die. I think you are okay.” 

Michael looked up sharply. “So she’s met Max, eh?”

“Yeah.” He swallowed a lump in his throat. He wasn’t going to ask for permission. He wasn’t going to ask for validation. He was a grown man. He was a grown  _ man. _ (It didn’t mean he didn’t want it, though.)

Michael shrugged and opened the door to his truck slowly so that he didn’t maim the little pup. After he closed the truck door she started jumping, pawing at his leg. 

“Is this normal beagle behavior?” Michael asked with a chuckle.

“No, I mean, not for he, at least.”

“Can I pick her up?”

“Yeah, sure. I mean…” He couldn’t help but chuckle at the awkward way that Michael raised her up from the ground and cradled her in his arms.

“What? I’m new to this. Is this normal?” He asked when she started licking his chest and neck and eventually laid herself against his chest her snout against his collar bone.

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“She… You’re anxious.” He said softly as he walked closer.

Michael paused his head scratches and looked up at Alex.

“She… when I get anxious she becomes extra attentive. If I’m concentrating on her, then I’m not concentrating on what was making me anxious.” He added with a shrug.

“She a service dog?” 

“Her name’s June Bug. And no, she’s a pound puppy. But apparently, I should probably get her registered.”

“Yeah…” He said as he scratched her head. He smiled weakly at Alex. “Hi,” he greeted belatedly, then looked over his shoulder at the cabin in a most scrutinizing manner. “Nice cabin.”

Alex turned and looked at the cabin. “Thanks. It’s the old Valenti cabin. Kyle’s dad left it to me in his will.” He turned back and noticed that, just as Isobel had warned, Michael was being super critical about his house. “Is there something wrong with it?”

“Oh, uh… you don’t have a security system.”

Alex reeled back at that. “Uh, what?”

Michael cleared his throat. “How much do you know?” He asked softly.

“Nothing. I know  _ nothing. _ All I know is that Kyle showed up to cheer me up with booze and junk food and Max tagged along because something happened and you were in a bad place.”

Michael winced, looked down and kissed June Bugs head when she whined at him. 

“Maria and Liz didn’t say anything other than you were working on a project and Isobel said you were almost done it… and she mentioned you’d might be eyeing my house. But that’s it. No ones told me anything.” He paused. “What the hell happened Michael?” He asked ardently. “You kinda look like shit.”

And it wasn't a lie. Michael had a natural olive complexion and he looked downright pale. He didn’t look tired; he remembered Max saying that he and Maria were still sleeping in the same bed because it helped him sleep. But he did look worn and ragged. He was sleeping, but he wasn't resting.

Michael kissed June Bugs head and looked up and Alex had the restrain himself from going and holding him. He looked like he was coming apart at the seams.

“Can we sit down for this?” He asked softly.

“Yeah, yeah, we can sit on the porch.” It wasn’t that Alex didn’t want him in his house, it was more of he didn’t want Michael to feel trapped. He wanted to give Michael an escape route in case he felt like he needed one.

He lead Michael to the porch and he sat on the stoop, leaned against the railing and closed his eyes. 

Alex almost sat down but remembered his weighted blanket, grabbed it and draped it around Michael’s shoulder.

“Hey, you got yours.” He said with a soft smile. 

“Yeah, Mimi is a good fairy god mother.”

Michael snorted a little. “Isobel kinda misheard her. She called herself the fairy godmother of all the fairies.” He said with a smile.

Alex snorted at that. He loved Mimi so much.

Michael shifted, pulled the blanket closer around him and leaned against the railing again. “The Guerins.” He said softly. “The ones that gave me my name.” He titled his head and looked at Alex.

“The meth-heads?”

Michael nodded. “They weren’t just meth-heads. They did stuff. Bad stuff. And then they got caught.” He paused as June Bug popped her head up between his arms and started to nuzzle his neck and whine. Michael scratched her head and held her close. “They messed me up. It was pretty bad. They threw the book at him.” He licked his lips. “The Judge promised me that they would never see the light of day so long as he lived.” He snorted ruefully. “If he was dead, he’d be rolling in his grave.”

“What happened?”

“Sentencing guidelines have changed. Judges retire. Rules get rewritten. And sometimes truly  **_horrible_ ** people get let out on parole.”

“Oh, Michael.”

Michael winced. “They didn’t even call me and tell me that they were up for parole. They have my number. I gave it to them when I turned legal because I  **_know_ ** … I know my luck with the system is…” he said softly, his voice taut with emotion. He looked Alex in the eye. “They didn’t call me or the judge; who is still alive, just retired.” He snorted and rolled his eyes.

“No, I found out when they came rolling up to Sander’s Auto.” He shook his head roughly, and hugged June Bug closer. June Bug was content resting against his chest, knowing that she was tethering him to the ground. “Thank God I was in the auto shop and now out in the open.” He whispered softly. “I don’t know what would have happened if I had been 0utside when they showed up.”

Alex leaned toward him and tentatively put his hand on Michael’s bouncing knee. “Do you want to tell me what happened? You don’t have to…”

“I don’t know what happened. I mean… I was working on a customers car and I saw two shadows approaching so I stopped to greet em and… it was them. My night terrors come to life. Smiling. Waving.” He gave a small shudder. “I don’t remember pressing the button. I know I didn’t press it because it was on the other side of the room. It must have been my powers.” He chuckled shakily. “They were the thing that first triggered my powers. It was like a self defense mechanism. And seeing them awakened it. One second they are coming through the front bay doors the next minute they are being blown out the doors and the doors slammed shut on either side of me.” He took a deep breath. “Thank God Sanders was in town. How would I have I explained that?”

“Michael. Michael. Hey, stay with me. Do you want to stop?” 

Michael gave him a sad smile and shook his head no. “I’m good. I’m fine. June Bug is helping a lot. I’m less… tingly than I was then.” He kissed her forehead and June Bug licked his chin. 

“Everything started shaking. I couldn’t stop it. I thought I was going to lose control. And then my phone was in my hand and I was talking to Maria. I don’t remember dialing. But I heard her voice and everything stopped shaking.” He let out a small chuckle. 

Alex thanked every deity in existence at that moment that something in Michael sought out Maria. Whatever he felt about their relationship didn’t matter. If Maria’s voice could calm him then he was grateful for it.

“I didn’t know what to do. I just started talking. I told her about them. About how they weren’t supposed to be let out. I didn’t know how they found me. I still don’t know how they found me. Apparently Liz was with her, which is the equivalent of talking to Max because when Maria heard my voice she put me on speaker because she wasn’t sure if I was hurt or not. Liz heard my voice… she said I sounded like had ‘disassociated’ and when I mentioned the Guerin’s she called Max to check on me. Max and Iz must have felt my spike of panic because they were both half-way to the shop. “ He licked his lips. “Having them show up almost made it worse.”

Alex furrowed his brow in concern. “How?”

“If they can find me… they can find them…”

“Oh Michael…” He groaned.

“I…”

“Please don’t finish that thought. Please don’t finish that thought.” He begged him softly. “You have just as much worth as Max and Isobel. None of you deserve to be in pain. And just because you survived something once doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to go through it again.” He whispered ardently as his hand gently stroked his leg through his jeans. “I will tell you that every day for the rest of your life if I have to. Because Michael, it’s true.”

But the look in Michael’s eyes said he didn’t quite believe the words. There was an understanding there, deep in his amber eyes, but he hadn’t quite gotten to the point of believing them. He wondered how long it had taken Max, Liz, Maria, and Isobel to get that understanding instilled in him, even if so far beneath the surface.

“What happened after they got there?”

“I made them prove that no one else was out there. Max sent me a video of him walking around the building. I was… terrified.” He whispered softly, as June Bug shifted and stated nuzzling his ear.

“Isobel checked the security camera’s while I told them what happened and Max…” his lip twitched. “Apparently my big brother takes his big brother responsibility very seriously. He knew.”

Alex cursed under his breath. 

“He didn’t know everything. He promised me he didn’t dig that far and I… I believe him… because…” Alex loathed that haunted look in his eyes with every ounce of his being. “He wouldn’t be able to look me the same if he knew everything.” He said, his voice sounding small and frightened. “I don’t want them to know. I don’t want you to know.” 

“You don’t have to tell me, Michael. And I swear, I’m not going to look. Max was just… He cares about you, and he knows you didn’t have the best childhood. He just wants to protect you. It’s the only reason he looked, I promise.” He knew Max, Max would do anything to protect his siblings.

Michael nodded. “That’s what he said.” He whispered, his voice thick. “He promised he wouldn’t look. He promised.”

“And he’s not going to. And no one else is either. We want to protect you, Michael. That’s all we want to do.” Alex couldn’t take it anymore. He had to closer to him. He needed to comfort Michael. The tears in his eyes were too much for him to bear.

He grabbed the pillow put it between the two of them and pulled him as close as June Bug would let them. The pillow was to keep them apart because this was not the time for sex. Sex was not going to help this situation. And he did NOT want Michael sex with him to be synonymous with anything traumatic… again.

He pulled Michael close, ran his fingers through his curls, brought their foreheads together. 

“Michael, do you want to stop? We can-”

“No… I want to… Don’t leave, please.”

The anguish in his voice was going to be his undoing. “I’m not going anywhere. I swear.”

Michael swallowed hard before continuing. “Max knew that they went to prison and that they were up probably going up for parole review and he put his name down as someone to contact in case it happened so that he could break the news to me himself.”

“And they didn’t call him either.”

“Or the judge, or the lawyers, or the district attorney. It was just one giant cluster fuck.” He moaned softly. “So many people got in so much trouble. They even FaceTimed me for one of em. Retired Judges should not be fucked with.”

Alex chuckled at that. “Was it good?”

“So good.” He chuckled softly. “Max about lost his damned mind. He saw them on camera and the lights about went out. He called the Sheriff, who looked into their release and saw that the judge in charge had put a stipulation in their release for that they….” his voice cracked. “They weren’t supposed to contact me.”

Alex was so glad that he didn’t have powers at that moment. Because if he did, the entirety of Roswell would have been flattened. It also raised his opinion of Max a great deal. The fact that there hadn’t been another massive blackout in town was a testament to his personal growth.

He stroked his hair and rubbed the back of his neck soothingly. “Then they were idiots. They knew the rules and they flouted them. Did they expect a happy family reunion?”

“I don’t know… I don’t know…” He whispered. “She issued an APB and they were picked up in town. But it was too late. I was already mid panic attack. Maria managed to coax me out of the auto shop and into her cars backseat. Liz drove us to Max’s house while Max and Isobel went to town and made sure that they there was an emergency restraining order put in place.”

He pulled away slightly. “I don’t remember a lot after getting to Max’s house. Just needing to make sure the house was secure. Going over the locks on the doors and windows over and over and over again. I was fine with Maria and Liz and Isobel there… but Max… Gods… For some reason Max being there made it worse.” He shook his head. “So Liz talked him into getting some snacks and staying at Isobel’s place.”

“But instead he ran into Kyle and came to my house.”

“Yeah…” He sniffled. “Sorry about that.”

“No, no… it all worked out in the end.”

“I calmed down enough to text Max and eat some pizza, but it was all a lot to go through and I ended up…” he chuckled softly. “I showered at Max’s, but on his pajama’s and curled up in a ball on his bed and used Maria’s stomach as a pillow.” Alex let out a small amused snort. “It was the best sleep I’ve had in ages.” He whispered softly.

“But…”

“I woke up that next morning obsessed with security. Maria and Liz went with me to the junk yard; where I know where basically everything is at, and helped me pick up the fixings for a security system.” He cleared his throat. “ _ Several  _ security systems.”

“Oh,” he pulled back, wiping away Michael’s tears. “So you’ve been securing Roswell?”

“Not all of it. Just… the parts I care about. The Wild Pony has a brand-new state-of-the-art security system with monitors and HD cameras.” He pulled away and did his best to compose himself. “I may have rewired the entire place because the wiring was old and probably not up to code. Good news is that it’s more cost-efficient.”

“The bad news?”

“I didn’t sleep for three days and Mimi DeLuca may have spiked my Lemonade with sleeping pills.”

Alex leaned away and laughed out loud. “I’m sorry. But that’s funny.”

“Oh, it was hysterical. I just got done and she was talking to me about,” he tugged at the blanket, “weighted blankets helping with anxiety. I was listening, drinking this lovely glass of lemonade when the world just got very fuzzy and I woke up 12 hrs later in Maria’s bed using her stomach as a pillow… Again.”

Alex leaned back and covered his mouth. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…”

“It’s okay. She is the best fairy god mother a fairy could ask for.” He said with a smile.

Alex pulled away completely but still stayed close. “Did you fix any other places?”

“Um… The Crash Down; with Mr. Artecho’s blessing. Didn’t need rewiring, but I did fix some weak spots. It now has HD security from inside and outside. He doesn’t understand it, but I think Liz talked him into being okay with it.” He paused. “I just need it to be safer, you know?” He sniffled a little, running his hands through his hair. “If something happens, I want there… I need there to be evidence.”

“Did you do the Sanders too?”

“I already had them upgraded.” He said with a shrug. “It’s my shit too. I don’t want my stuff stolen anymore than Sanders does.” He chuckled. “It’s one of the few things we genuinely agree on.”

“Isobel’s and Max’s house?” Alex asked.

“Yip… and…” he winced a little. “The Cop Shop.”

Alex’s eyes went wide. “Did Sheriff Valenti really let you upgrade their security?”

Michael winced. “We-ell… considering she showed up at Max’s house after he left to get a statement from me… but all I wanted to do was talk about the weakness’s in the jails security… which I knew about because… you know… I’ve spent time in there…” he coughed.

“And she just… agreed to it?”

“With provisions. Y’know, like someone would be with me the entire time. She could hire someone to double check my work. I taught Kyle and Max how to use the interface, aaaand I may have sworn on a stack of bibles that I’d never use it against them.” He shrugged. “So yeah. Roswell Jail is basically Alcatraz secure now.” He said with grin of self-satisfaction on his face. “I did that.” He said with a genuine smile.

June Bug took that moment to wiggle free of his grasp and sit in Alex’s lap.

Michael wiped his hands on his pants then his face. “God, I’m so tired.” He moaned, leaning his head against railing. “Everything is so exhausting. I just want to sleep.” He grumbled, pulling the weighted blanket around him tighter. 

He just wanted to sleep.

He flinched when he saw a shadow move but when he opened his eyes it was Alex’s hand reaching out for him.

“Give me your hand, Michael. Trust me, please.” He asked softly.

Michael swallowed hard against his swelling emotions and took his hand. 

Alex led him into the house and stopped in the living room.

“This is my house.” He said,, motioning to the living room. 

Michael smirked. “Nice.”

“Thanks.”

Alex held out his hand and Michael hesitated.

“I… I promised myself… and Maria… I wouldn’t…” he blushed. 

“No, no Michael. Just sleep. You need sleep. And I have a bed. There’s going to be zero funny business. Just me, you, June Bug, a weighted blanket, and the sand man.

Michael couldn’t help but snort at that. “I hope your bed is big enough to hold all of us.”

Alex chuckled as he took Michael’s out-stretched hand and pulled him down the hall. 

The first thing Alex did was give Michael a spare set of pajama’s and tell him where to change and point him to the bathroom. The second thing he did was change into his own pajama’s an re-make the already made bed so that it would be easier for them to cohabitate without anything else going on. 

He felt like a child doing it, but it wasn’t just Michael that wanted to just sleep. They were going to sleep in the same bed and when Michael woke up he was going to be right there waiting for him.

Normally he wouldn’t have allowed June Bug in his bed, but this wasn’t normal, and if it put Michael at ease, then that is what was going to happen.

Michael came back a few minutes later, looking a little sheepish as he walked into the room. Staying the night at someone else’s house was probably not something that Michael had a lot of experience with. But that was something that was going to change.

“C’mere. You’re on that side. I’m under the sheet on this side, and June Bug… where ever she wants.”

“Kay… I am kinda tired.” Michael said as he rubbed his eyes and got into bed under the weighted blanket.

June bug climbed up and decided that Michael’s chest was the best place for her to rest her head was Michael’s chest. Michael did not mind at all. They both chuckled at it. Alex got in the bed and turned on his side smiled at Michael. Michael was already dozing off so he just let himself drift off too.

\------

Somehow, someway, Alex had ended closer than intended. He ended up right next to him with him arm laying across Michael’s chest. And June Bug was situated between them with her head on Michael’s arm.

Michael woke up first with a start. He sat up suddenly and looked around in a panic. The sudden motion woke Alex and June Bug.

“Michael. Michael. It’s okay.”

Michael turned to him sharply and let out a sharp breath. “Alex… Alex… Okay…” He dropped back back down to the bed. “Okay.”

Alex sat up in bed and looked at the clock. It was barely noon. 

“Feeling any less tired.”

“Yes. Thank you.” He said and propped himself up and scratched June Bugs head. “I feel better. A lot better, actually.” He paused. “I should actually go…”

“Wait, Michael. Wait…” Alex sat up sharply when Michael stood up. “Look, I know that we don’t have the best track record. And I… I haven’t done a lot to make you feel…” he trailed off.

He shook his head sharply. “I want to start over. I want to show you that I’m over it. I’m over the way it was. I want to show you that. Can I? Will you let me make it up to you.”

Michael paused as he put his pants and shirt on. “How?”

“Lunch. We can start with lunch.”

“I don’t follow.”

“At the Wild Pony. Mimi left me a note saying she’d make me-- us lunch.”

“But Alex-”

“I’m not ashamed of you, Michael. I want this. Please.”

“You don’t have to do this, Alex. I’m fine…”

“Being a dirty little secret? No, you’re not. Maria was right. I did you dirty. And I won’t make the mistake again.”

Michael looked conflicted but cautiously optimistic. “If you get cold feet--”

“I’m not. I’m over it. I’m ready. But if you’re having second thoughts.”

“No, no… I want it. But you’re not--”

“Michael, please. Let me prove it to you.” He begged softly.

Michael swallowed hard. “Okay. Lunch at the Wild Pony.” He turned to June Bug. “Sorry girl, they don’t allow dog’s in the bar. Alex can bring you back some treats.”

Alex left and came back dressed.

“Let’s go.”

Michael still seemed hesitant. “Okay, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure, I swear.”

\-----

The drive to the Wild Pony was uneventful. They talked a little, Alex sat a little closer to the middle than he would have had it been anywhere else. Michael smiled when he scooted over.

Baby steps.

It was the Wild Pony parking lot where he just sat looking at the door after he turned off the truck.

“You don’t have to do this, Alex.” He said, but he wouldn’t look at Alex. “I have a bad reputation. I--”

“No, no, I’m not doing this anymore. I’m not hiding  _ this  _ any more. You’re not…” Alex paused. “I’m not going to be ashamed of this Michael. I was never ashamed of this. And I’m going to prove it to you.” He said as he got out of the truck, walked around the front of it and opened Michael’s door and offering his hand to him.

“Unless you’re having--” Alex’s words were cut off by Michael taking his hand.

“I’m trying to give you an out, Alex.”

“I don’t want an out.” He said sharply. “I want to have lunch at the Pony.” He would have added the word ‘boyfriend’ but he didn’t want to send Michael running in the other direction. 

Baby steps.

====

“Mimi, what are you doing?” Maria asked as her mother came around the corner with a tray with two plates and two soft drinks on it.”

“I’m getting ahead of the rush, silly.” She scoffed as though it were obvious.

Maria frowned. Her mother had been doing so much better since the big storm. She hated to see her have a bad day… The door opened and she turned her head. “ALEX!” She exclaimed and then her smiled grew when she saw who was with him. “MICHAEL!” And they are holding  _ HANDS!  _ She added internally.

“Right on time.” Mimi said as she passed them, taking Alex’s free hand and leading both of them to an empty table by the window. “And here’s your table and your order.” She said as she sat the drinks and plates in front of them.

Both men were slightly flabbergasted.

“Thanks Mimi.”

“And she got my order right.”

“Of course I got your order right, Michael.” She said as she leaned down and kissed his cheek. 

She walked over and gave Alex a hug from behind. “It’s so good to see you out and about. Don’t be a stranger.” She said as she gave him a firm squeeze. “That goes for the both of you.”

Both blushed and were lost for words. “Now dig in while I get your desserts.”

Both laughed as she floated away. 

As soon as she was gone Maria and Liz were there in the empty seats on either side of the table. Liz hugged Alex and gave him a kiss on the cheek, while Maria did the same to Michael.

“Soooo… what’s going on?” Maria said as she leaned her head against Michael’s arm.

“Lunch… hey, you want some of my fries?” He said as he turned the fries closer to her. “I think she gave me too many.”

“Yeah, she gave me way to many, want some Liz?” Alex said, turning the plate part of the fries towards her.

Liz raised an eyebrow but partook of the french fries, because there were a lot on the plate.

“And here you are;” said Mimi. “Two cheesecakes, one apple pie and a pecan pie. And two drinks.” She said setting the desserts on the table. “You four have a lovely lunch!” She clapped her hands, quite pleased with herself.

Baby steps.

If it made Michael more comfortable to have other people at lunch, then they would do it.

Personal growth is a journey, not a race.

\------

(sorry about the wierd ending. I didn’t know how else to end it realistically. And again yall. This was supposed to be a one shot! My goal was to finish ONE fanfic by the time I ended my vacation and TADA… i go back to work tonight D: i mean… I’m not a work RN, so i didn’t fail COMPLETELY!)


End file.
